Thursday, October 27, 2005

stick it to pinchy

Yeah so I have guilty pleasures too. One of them is Red Lobster. I know, it's the sizzler of lobster joints. What can I say, they make a killer top shelf long island that is cheeeep and you can gorge yourself on crab which, as someone who has netted and trapped crabs all his life, I can tell you tastes pretty much the same all over a coastal state. I hit up the red lob about once every three to four months (usually spurred on by E's doesn't take a lot to convince me).
Anyways, since I've given them so much of my money, I thought I would pass on the lack of savings to you, my fellow consumers.
What the hell am I talking about? Well, one of the best things at the red lob is their cheesey muffins. These little dealies are a perfect substitute for an app (and why buy their apps, they are wretched anyhow). Now you can make them at home, for I am about to drop the recipe on you! Read on:

Red Lobster Cheese Biscuits
Serving Size : 10
Preparation Time : 0:00 (???)
Categories : Breads Biscuits Cake Mix
Ingredients and amounts:

1 cup Milk
1/3 cup Mayo
1 tablespoon Sugar -- or 3 packages Sweet & Low
2 cups Self-rising flour
1/4 cup Kraft's American cheese food

Combine milk, Mayo, sugar and flour. Beat with mixer at high speed, not quite 1 minute until smooth and completely combined. Remove beaters. Use rubber spatula to streak the dough with 1/4c cheese food. Drop batterequally between 10 paper-lined muffin wells. Drizzle top of each with ts liquid margarine and dust each with a little garlic powder plus 1 scant ts additional cheese food. Bake 350~ 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown and tripled in size. Cool in pan on racks for 30 minutes. Add only enough flour so batter drops from spoon.

I don't know what that whole 'batter drips from spoon' part is about, but maybe those of you who bake do.
I am also prepared to blow the top off of another of my fellow Americans' favorite forms of indulgement: the StarPuke's Frappucino. Sorry, I meant Starbucks, really, I did. Or was it Starfuck's? Who knows. I don't even drink coffee. But when I do, again, 3-4 times a year, it's the middle of a hot day and I've got to get something done. Ye olde frappucino cup helps the work go by.
Incidentally, WTF is the etymology of frappucino? I always thought it was just a corporate compounding of 'frozen' and 'cappucino'. Turns out, through my studies of dialectology, I've discovered that in many states people call milkshakes 'frappes'. Thus there is a third entity to this most unholy triumvirate of meaning. Pretty genius. There have been articles written recently in the Annual Review of Anthropology concerning their corporate speak (you know, how the employees, once they cross the threshold in the morning and don their green smocks, forget what small, medium, and large mean?) with predictable results.
Anyhow, on to the dishing:

Starbucks® Frappuccino®

Here's one that I get requests for all of the time,
and that you won't yet find in any book. This is a
clone for Starbuck's "Lowfat Creamy Blend of Coffee
& Milk" that you can now find in the all-too-puny
9 1/2-ounce bottles in most stores. Those little
bottles will set you back at least a buck, but this
Top Secret Recipes version costs a mere fraction of that.
Plus, the recipe actually makes enough that you can get
a pretty major caffeine buzz. Then, when you get down to
the "Tidbits" I'll tell you how to clone espresso with a
standard drip machine and ground coffee. Cool!

1/2 cup fresh espresso
2 1/2 cups lowfat milk (2 percent)
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon dry pectin*

Combine all of the ingredients in a pitcher or covered container.
Stir or shake until sugar is dissolved. Chill and serve cold.
Makes 24 ounces.


To make the "Mocha" variety:
Add a pinch (1/16 teaspoon) of cocoa powder to the mixture before

To fake espresso with a drip coffee maker and standard grind of
Use 1/3 cup ground coffee and 1 cup of water.
Brew once then run coffee through machine again, same grounds.
Makes about 1/2 cup fresh espresso to use in the above recipe.
Run a pot of water through machine, without grounds, to clean.

*This is a natural thickener found in fruits that is used for
canning. You can find it in the supermarket near the canning
supplies. It is used in this recipe to make the drink thicker
and creamier, and can be found in the original recipe. It does
not add to the flavor and can be excluded if you don't care so
much about duplicating the texture of the real thing.

Don't be weirded out by the pectin thing. Watching my mom and grandma making jam all those years and adding pectin to it, I can vouch for its lack of poisonous properties. Though if you use it you may grow to detest Sizzler and Starbucks.


Blogger chilebrown said...

I think I am going to make a Red Lobster Cheese biscuit and Frappachino snack right now. Pic a little,talk a little,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep!!!!!!!!!!

8:45 AM  
Blogger chilebrown said...

I may have your trivet. Do you need it back right now? Let me know,I can get it to you this morning or tommorrow. Did you know that Trivet starts with T and that rhymes with P and ......

9:12 AM  
Blogger Dr. Jones said...

No worries chilebrown, I can live without the lid stand for the time being.

7:25 PM  
Blogger drbiggles said...

I think I'm about ready for a nap. But we have some guests over and they're sitting in my napping chair. Mebe it's cheese biscuit time ... or cold beer time.

12:48 PM  
Blogger shuna fish lydon said...

"friends don't let friends drink starbucks."

but I will admit the the Peet's version of this is quite tasty.

But nothing beats the iced coffee at Blue Bottle. I want to lay down and die happy after putting that in my mouth.

great to see your words again!

2:25 PM  
Blogger chilebrown said...

"Shipoopee", I found my trivet. Guy has yours.I have found a sight which has turned my life around. It is my new inspiration. I would like to share a brief whisper of wisdom.-
(Ya can talk, ya can talk, ya can bicker ya can talk, ya can bicker, bicker bicker ya can talk all ya want.)
Thanks for letting me share that with you. Peace,Paul

7:05 PM  
Blogger Dr. Jones said...

Don't make the cheese muffins. We tried. They suck.

4:48 PM  

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