don't eeeeeeeeat meee-ee-ee-ee

2006-10-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

I have to. You're so tasty.

10 things I hate about...food

2006-07-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

Everyone loves ketchup. But, it's made from floor sweepings. Reprinted here strictly without permission are the major health risks posed by America's ten favorite foods.

From: http://www.fitamerica.com/famd/articles/10topfoods.asp

1. Hamburgers:

• Considered a “high risk” food because of the poor heath standards under which they are manufactured.

• The time consuming process for making processed meats creates high bacteria counts and putrefaction of the meat which need to be treated with chemicals.

• Putrefaction causes meat to turn green which is then dyed with red chemicals to appear fresh. Unless marked otherwise, hamburger will always contain red dyes.

• Hamburgers are made with the unusable, worst leftovers of the slaughterhouse…much of which comes right off the floor. Any meat “part” that cannot be sold on its own merit is ground up and used for burger. This includes hooves, bone, snout, ears and other animal parts.

• Because burger parts all come from the animal, “pure beef” can be used on the label!

• Most hamburger contain the flavor enhancer, “MSG” (monosodium glutamate) which causes headaches and allergic reactions. MSG is a chemical used to fatten up laboratory animals and will ultimately make you fat when consumed.

• The beef industry is the largest user of antiobiotics in the world to offset the dangerous bacteria housed in its meats. This has resulted in America’s growing resistance to antibiotics.

• Ground beef is more likely to harbor life-threatening E-coli than any other food.

• Hamburgers are the single biggest food item that inflicts the most damage on the American diet….Billions served….billions spent on doctor visits and hospital bills.

• The hormones fed to cattle can make you fat through meat consumption.

• A Cheeseburger contains more than 100% of your TOTAL daily recommended fat intake!

• Burger King Double Whopper with Cheese has 1150 calories and 76! grams of fat with 33 of them saturated, plus a whopping 1,530 mg. of sodium!

• Burger condiments like pickle, lettuce, tomato, etc. are all treated with cancer causing chemical sulfites that are used to maintain a false freshness in the vegetables.

• Most burgers contain 1090 mg of sodium! (45% of daily recommended Daily Value) and can promote water retention.

2. Hot Dogs:

• Like hamburgers, hot dogs are considered a “high risk” food because of the poor heath standards under which they are manufactured.

• The time consuming process for making processed meats creates high bacteria counts and putrefaction in the meat which need to be treated with chemicals.

• Putrefaction makes meat turn green which is then dyed with red chemicals to appear fresh.

• Hot dogs are made with the unusable, worst leftovers of the slaughterhouse…much of which comes right off the floor. Any meat “part” that cannot be sold on its own merit is ground up and used for hot dogs. This includes hooves, bone, snout, ears, beak, claw and other animal parts.

• Because hot dog parts all come from the animal, “pure beef” or “100% turkey” can be used on the label!

• All hot dogs contain the flavor enhancer, “MSG” (monosodium glutamate) which causes headaches and allergic reactions. MSG is a chemical used to fatten up laboratory animals and will ultimately make you fat when consumed.

• Hot dogs have nitrites which are thought to cause stomach cancer, leukemia, brain tumors, and bladder cancer.

• Fillers and non-meat binders used to hold hot dog meat together can be anything from cereal, non-fat dry milk, or soy which adds more carbohydrates and processed ingredients)

• Synthetic collagen casings are used to form the hot dogs. Highly carcinogenic.

• Contains up to 40% of its content in undisclosed saturated fats.

• When the buns are baked they release a powerful toxin called acrylimides which is a known carcinogen and causes nerve damage

3. French Fries:

• French fries are very toxic.

• In order to make French fries, they must be cooked at high temperatures which cause the chemical, acrylimide to be released. Acrylimides are a known cancer causing agent that also causes nerve damage.

• Potatoes are grown in the ground and have a higher pesticide absorption level than almost any other food product.

• Fries are cooked in oxidized oil that is re-used for weeks at a time!

• Potatoes have a very high glycemic index meaning it turns to sugar very quickly in the body. Eating a baked potato (or equivalent quantity of French fries) is the sugar equivalent of a large piece of chocolate cake!

4. Oreo Cookies:
THE NUMBER ONE COOKIE IN AMERICA
(6 cookies = serving size)

• Predominantly made up of 23 grams of straight-line sugar.

• Chocolate is LAST ingredient listed which means chocolate is the least of the ingredients.

• 370 empty calories with almost no nutritional benefits – you could eat 2 whole chicken breasts for the same amount of calories!

• 6 cookies have 12 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat and 40 carbs – more than 50% of your daily carbohydrate allowance in only 6 cookies.

• Oreo cookies will set you up for craving more sugar within 3 hours.

• "Natural flavors" are manufactured chemicals to make Oreos taste like great chocolate cookies. Highly processed foods have these flavor enhancers which are nothing more than carcinogenic chemicals with no natural flavors of their own.

• The Nabisco Company refused to disclose how many transfats there are in Oreo cookies – they termed that information as ‘classified’!

• High sugar content. Sugar causes wrinkles.

5. Pizza:

• Commercial pizzas are made exclusively of 5 genetically modified foods:

o Cheese "food" (Contains only 10% cheese - it cannot even be called real cheese)

o Enriched white flour which has been bleached of natural vitamins and minerals BUT has been "enriched" by adding back a miniscule amount of synthetic vitamins.

o Tomato sauce made from tomato-like substances that produce their own pesticides, IN YOU

o Wheat in the pizza crust is genetically modified.

o Contains cottonseed oil. Cotton is not a "food", therefore it can be sprayed with anything farmers want. The seed carries most of the poison of the cotton plant. The USDA and the FDA do not cooperate with each other in making sure this is safe to eat. It is not. Plus, it is highly hydrogenated and dangerous to your health.

• Pizza is baked at such a high temperature, the crust will form acrylimides which is a known cancer causing agent that can also cause nerve damage.

• Pepperoni & sausage toppings are “high risk” processed meats which add lots of nitrites, chemicals, preservatives, and saturated fats.

6. Soda:

• The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. On the Ph scale, it is very acidic and can dissolve a nail in about 4 days.

• High acid content in the body makes it very difficult to lose weight.

• Soda will leach the calcium out of your bones and promote osteoporosis.

• There are 10-12 teaspoons of empty calorie sugar in one can of soda.

• Diet sodas with artificial sweeteners will promote sugar cravings because sweeteners are “sweeter” than sugar.

• Colorings used in sodas are cancer-causing.

• Soda is called "liquid candy" because of the high sugar content. Like drinking a candy bar!

• High fructose corn syrup, a major ingredient:

o Damages proteins.
o Is stored in the body as fat.
o Is made from corn, which is modified food that produces its own pesticides.

7. Chicken Tenders:
(Usual serving size is 6)

• Made from unusable chicken parts – rarely made from whole white meat.

• A typical 340 calorie serving is typically 50% fat.

• Heavily breaded for substance. Very high carbohydrate content.

• Carcinogenic acrylimides are released in the high temperature frying. Can cause nerve damage and cancer.

• Contains the flavor enhancer, “MSG” (monosodium glutamate) which causes headaches and allergic reactions. MSG is a chemical used to fatten up laboratory animals and will ultimately make you fat when consumed.

• Contains phosphates which make the body acidic, making it impossible to burn fat properly. You will store fat and not lose weight.

• Some chicken nuggets (McDonalds) contain aluminum which is toxic to the brain and poisons the metabolism.

• Deep fried in oxidized oil that is re-used for weeks at a time!

8. Ice cream:

• High in fat content. 1 serving (usually 4 ounces!) can provide as much as 50% of your recommended fat for the day.

• High in carbohydrates. 1 serving is almost 40% of your total recommended carb intake for the day.

• High in sugar which promotes sugar cravings and causes skin to wrinkle.

• Full of hydrogenated and transfats which are unnatural and:

o elevate cholesterol
o clog arteries
o create free radicals (which may cause cancer)

• Hormones put into cows to increase milk production will slow your metabolism, and can cause breast and ovarian tumors, cysts and cancer.

9. Donuts:

• The average donut contains approximately 300 calories.

• 1 donut provides more than 50% of your recommended daily carbohydrate intake.

• High in salt content which will promote water retention.

• Donuts are deep fried in oxidized oil that is re-used for weeks at a time!

o Dunkin Donuts changes the oil every 300 dozen!
o Oils at high temperatures developed rancidity and free radicals which can:

> Poison and slow your metabolism
> Seriously threaten your health.

• High sugar content which promotes sugar cravings and ages skin.

10. Potato Chips: America’s #1 snack food

• Americans today consume more potato chips than any other people in the world. As a world food, potatoes are second in human consumption only to rice.

• It takes 4 pounds of potatoes to make 1 pound of potato chips.

• Very calorie dense. A small 2 oz. bag has over 300 calories.

• Potato chips are deep fried in oxidized oil that is re-used for weeks at a time!

• Deep fried at high temperatures which cause the chemical, acrylimide to be released. Acrylimides are a known cancer causing agent that also causes nerve damage.

o When you eat 1 single serving bag of potato chips you may be eating up to 500 times more acrylamide than the maximum level allowed in drinking water.
o A single potato chip could contain as much acrylamide as is allowed for a glass of drinking water!

• High in hidden saturated fats.

• High sodium/salt content promotes water retention.

“ HEALTHY CHIPS” LIKE BAKED LAYS OR
THOSE CONTAINING OLESTRA CAN BE
MORE DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH
THAN REGULAR CHIPS.

• Baked Lays, almost as calorie dense as original Lays, are a highly processed mixture of dehydrated potato and food starch pressed into a chip shape, full of carcinogenic chemicals.

• Olean/Olestra potato chips.

Can cause "anal oil leakage" or a variety of gastrointestinal problems, as reported on the bag.

Block fat absorption which alters your body’s ability to absorb valuable nutrients contained in the healthy foods you eat.

Stops your body from properly absorbing carotenoids and other valuable phytochemicals that protect your body from heart disease, cancer and macular degeneration.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Back to the five pints:

Join me, won't you? I'm giving up all ten of these things for one year.
Okay, okay, I already didn't eat burgers. I almost never eat ice cream. Very rarely do I eat potato chips or oreos.
But, I drink diet soda a lot. That will be a hard one to give up. And yes, I love hot dogs, although I have about 6 per year. But I recently had some blood work done and it showed that I had high cholesterol. So I think I will give all of these foods up for one year and see how I'm doing at the end of the next.
I'm pretty sure that as soon as I start down this path (Let's say August 1), people will be offering me Oreos and french fries all the time. But I'll be strong and will shun them all.

still not obsessed...(i.a.n.o.w.D.o.c. part 2)

2006-06-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you're not sure, you've just got to take the plunge.

Above is the gorgeously cooked pork leg we intended to use in our shepherd's pie. Did I forget to mention that E impregnated it with cloves of garlic before we braised it? Well, she did. I can tell you that a lot of this baby did not make it into the pie, it was so f'n good.

To make the sauce the meat was added to in the photo above, we strained out the braising sauce (using out potato ricer, no less) then added the remainder of the vegetable stock and ale and boiled it down for a while. Then we added the meat, and eventually the vegetables:

We then got the potatoes that we had previously removed from the fire, took off the aluminum foil, peeled them, and riced them into mash. The mash was added to the top of the pie:

Meanwhile, E was making her signature Challah bread that won us 1st place at the non-sanctioned competition in Fall River Mills two weeks ago. It came out great:

And, for the coup de grace (no, the 'C' is not silent, America), we reveal the shepherd's pie! The extra heat on the bottom towards the end made the gravy boil up a bit too much through the top, but the end result is a pie not to be messed with.

How good was it, Johnny? In truth, I'm still eating it today. The next day, we were shepherds and got the flock out of there.

i am NOT obsessed with Dutch oven cooking

2006-06-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

No matter what Sam from Becks and Posh says, I am NOT obsessed with Dutch oven cooking.

I'm obsessd with good Dutch oven cooking. (insert smiley emoticon here).
This weekend, E and I decided to make shepherd's pie in the DO while we were camping by the McCloud river in Northern California. All of the images are clickable with much larger versions avialable - blogger limits the size and amount of images in each post, yay.

Above is our idyllic campsite, chosen because Fowler's campground was all full up this weekend. We got the un-sharpened end of the stick this time though, the campground's water was contaminated with E. coli thanks to the beef ranchers upstream, so camping was free! We had brought our own water and so we got to stay in a double lot for the price of zero automobiles. I cleaned off the grill with my new brush asbestos I could and fired up the coals. Laid the pork out on it and foil-wrapped potatoes directly in the coals, as below:

Our plan had been to cook a gigantic leg of lamb and use its meat to
make the pie with. However, someone decided that the best thing to do
with our lamb was forget it at home. So instead we got this awesome leg
of swine and planned to brown it on the grill then braise it with the sauce
we made of red wine, duchesse de borugogne Belgian trappist ale, onions,
vegetable stock, and herbs. Running low on coals, we made use of my camp stove, shown above, to provide the bottom heat for the small Dutch oven. True, that's not International Dutch Oven Society-sanctioned, but this also wasn't a competition -- just good, clean fun (though I wouldn't call it sober in any way!!) Below you can see the detail of the awesome braising sauce we made:

As we were using my smallest Dutch oven, the leg had a lot of incidental contact with the roof, wich turned out to be an unintentional bonus. Look how nice and brown it got on all sides--early in the experiment I had worried that it would even get cooked all the way.

Due to the aforementioned limit on image quality and quantity, you will have to tune in next time to see how it all turned out.

old food

2006-06-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

So, my freezer was full. I apologize for all the terrible photos, they are analog in nature. What you're seeing is a little jar of veal terrine (perhaps the only use of beef I will ever admit to), ice cube trays and mason jars full of turkey stock, phyllo dough, ice packs, a leg of lamb, falafel, green chilis, a gallon of clam chowder, and the list just goes on and on. We decided to clean house, so to speak, on this mother.

So we thawed the lamb for about a day then plunked it on the grill, shown below, with some mesquite coals and a bit of rosemary wood:

Then I set about making a sauce for it. I combined the veal, stock, and trimmings from the leg in a bowl. To this I added about half a bottle of pomegranate 'molasses' and some water.

The rosemary here is just for show. So, I boiled these down for about 45 minutes on a low setting, and the sauce came out great. It didn't matter that I overdid the lamb a bit because the dryness was overcome by the great flavor of the sauce. Call me simple, but I find that lamb, rosemary, and pomegranate always go well together.

state UN-fair

2006-06-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

So we participated in another Dutch oven cook-off last weekend. We had fun and were glad to have friends with us there who had never done one of these before but who also had a great time.
Unfortunately the citizens of the tiny hamlet where the cook-off took place were convinced that the diets of frontierfolk consisted mainly of items from Safeway and Burger King. If it wasn't beef, beef, beef, they weren't interested.
Oh well, their loss. We still had a great time and cooked some excellent food. We'll think of it as a warmup round for our next (sanctioned) competition.

the cangrejan death-rattle

2006-05-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

Watch as my friends put six crabs to death. They used my kitchen, which was uncharacteristically clean.

i haven't stopped eating

2006-04-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

You know what? I eat well. I do so often. I just don't always tell you about it.
Furthermore, I often don't have time to report on what it is I'm doing. Some amazing things have happened in my life recently. But rather than talk, talk, talk I'm going to let the pictures do the talking. By my reckoning this post should be worth at least 13,000 words.

by popular demand: too many cooks part 2

2006-04-10T13:27:00.000-07:00

I had worked up a good followup to part 1 this morning and blogger ate it. So part 2 really will be a photo essay.

too many cooks: a photo essay in two parts

2006-02-16T13:58:00.000-08:00

E and I made some new friends! One half of a couple from Rochester, NY randomly surfed into the blog while looking for Dutch oven stuff and found me. After a few emails we decided we should get together for a Dutch oven gathering à quatre. I'm really glad that they did, not just because it was very fun cooking for an army and feeding only a platoon, but because they brought their excellent camera. All of the photos in this post were taken with it (but not as taken as I am with it). Some of the photos here serve merely as thumbnails; do yourself a favor and click the linked ones to se much larger and more detailed versions.

We decided to get together last Saturday night and cook up a storm. To this end we all did our requisite shopping. The jalapeños above came automatically in our organic vegetable box, as did the purple onions below, but the mushrooms and habaneros (also below) were store-bought. For the rabbit boudin sausage above I hit up the fatted calf, and for the barely visible cuts of lamb on the lower grill of the smoker I needed to go to Rick's Quality Meats. It was my first time there but I'm sold.
I began the smoking process well in advance of our guests' anticipated arrival, out of respect for how long it typically takes. This time I used much more hickory than mesquite. The next time I'm in the mountains I'll pick up some apple chips and try them out. At any rate, I kept feeding the smoker to get it up to its ideal heat, so when the fellow participants arrived with a two-pound pork roast I was ready for it. Into the smoker it went as well, displacing the peppers, lamb and rabbit boudin. At this time I also added some calabrese sausage (not pictured here, but in the completed meat platter below).

Before I go further, I have to let you know what the menu was for the evening. In short it consisted of:

Rabbit and lamb stew with dumplings
Pork roast
Smoked vegetables
Yorkshire pudding (large and small)
Scones

The Scones were C's (our female friend) concoction. She had been wanting to try them in a Dutch for a while. What with E's baking expertise I figured we could make the transition to a Ductch without any wrinkles. The dumpling stew, of course, is old hat but it's great for a demonstration which is what they wanted. The Yorkshire pudding I've been making all my life but in a Dutch oven I've always used a tiny muffin tray. Not so this time, we used half a recipe to make one giant one the way it's done in England. The meats and vegetables on the smoker are just an excuse to use the smoker. It makes everything better!

Above are the rabbit boudins, jalapeños, and calabreses fresh out of the smoker. Below are the lamb, habaneros, onion, and gigantic fennel that I bought at the market that day:

The fennel is propped up by a 750ml bottle of home brew that our gracious guests brought. We polished off more than a little of that that night. They had three or four different flavors, each gooder than the last.
At this point E was working inside chopping vegetables for the stew and I was outside racing to get enough coals ready for all the ovens we were going to be using, which ended up totaling four.

This is a fantastic photo of the 'sidecar' I improvised. It's made of an oven tray we never use, bricks, and an old wooden aquarium stand that I built years ago but has fallen into disrepair. We ended up using every cooking surface available outside, including the smoker, gas grill, hibachi and this helpful guy in the picture above.

That's it for this half of the post. Tune in soon for the rest. Aside from this one, I have several more culinary adventures to share.

we STILL pinch you with our feet

2006-02-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

So it's no secret: I love seafood. When I think of seafood I probably have a different conception of it than most amero-cans do. The particular foodways of this country mandate that fish must be breaded, fried, drenched in sauce, disguised, improperly described or named, exoticized and overpriced. The foodways of my most oft-visited country, Japan, are such that fish is as common as mcnuggets are here if not more so. Every time I come back from Asia I hunger for fish. Halibut, crab, salmon, eel, whatever. You may think I'm just talking about sushi. I'm not. If you've been there, you feel me. If not, try picking up the book Tsukiji: Fish Market at the Center of the World by Ted Bestor. It's a great comparison of Amero-Japonic foodways and a great introduction to the fish market itself. Most Americans grew up conceiving of fish as something frozen and covered with bread crumbs that you eat with ketchup; or in the case of our Minnesotan citizens, fried pike. >shudder<. With an introduction like that you would have to grow up thinking fish was disgusting.

If you know me you also know that I'm not a stranger to helping myself to these delicacies directly from their homes; be it angling for mountain lake trout or digging for clams on a sand spit, if there's a fresh seafood meal in it I'm there. Once camping at Patrick's Point I clambered down onto the rocks, thumbing my nose to the surf that could have killed me at any time and pried off about a dozen mussels from the rocks. We steamed them up at our campsite, added some butter, garlic, and white wine and E and I had ourselves the best damned mussels of our lives. This is a good thing about her. I had a woman in my life before that I loved (and love) but I knew it would never work out when she told me she was allergic to fish. She's still in my life but forever relegated to friend-without-privileges status. Love me, love my fish.

It's with great ardor that I take to the seas every year around this time for crab season. I own several commercial-style and hoop-style crab pots and have been pulling up near-free delicacies from Davey Jones' locker for most of my life. When the fishing sucks I'll go out on a commercial boat, as mentioned in the post below. For less than forty bucks you can come home with about 80 bucks worth of crab (and a sunburn). I plan to do this next week.

Crabbing in California nets you dungeness (so named for a famous crabbing town in Washington state). Their bodies are about as wide as your hand is long (legally they have to be 5 3/4" across) and banana-length legs. A two pound dungie (pictured above, cooked) will yield one pound at most of flaky, tasty meat. This is the best we can hope to extract from the sea around these parts; the next best crab is the red or rock crab and it is a distant, distant second.

Not so the king crab. These huge bastards (up to 2m in length and 16kg in weight) truly are the kings of the crab world, both in size and taste. I have seen photos from Japan (in the Guinness book) of crabs with 11ft spans but these are truly leviathans and not to be considered normal. Lately I have been craving the meat of these crabs like mad. Our local dim sum shops have started carrying them in their tanks and they drive me crazy every time I see them. I want to snap off a leg and run screaming from the restaurant, not stopping till I get home, throw it into a pot and boil it, consume its flesh, then render its exoskeleton into stock. You can see I've thought this out. Penned every detail into my consciousness. I'm ready to pounce.

Why the hell don't I just go and buy one, you ask? We can't even get our local guys to quote us a price. No kidding. Yuet Foo, our favorite Chinese seafood restaurant, says they get a few in each year on special order but won't quote a price. They say they can't get one for less than 13 pounds. I say the more the merrier! What's a guy to do? When I go crabbing next week and pull up my pots full of comparatively tiny cangrejos I'll probably weep.

So, any info on suppliers in this area would be greatly appreciated.

put this in your smoker and...um...smoke it

2006-02-07T14:32:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone;

I just got a Brinkmann smoker a few weeks ago and have been trying it out. The first thing I cooked in it was rack of lamb. It was enough to sell me on the smokey flavor immediately. I cooked it really slow and a lot of the flavor seeped in. I have tried larger cuts of meat but if you don't want to be all day/evening/night about it, you need to use more heat. So far I've done a pork loin and boneless leg of lamb. A coupla days ago I slow smoked a rack of baby back ribs and some pork belly. Pork belly is what we usually call bacon, but with the skin on and not sliced. I removed the skin (in hindsight, should have made chicharrones with it) and sliced the belly into bacon-sized strips. It was excellent.

In the vegetarian department I have smoked whole onions and jalapeños. The next thing I'm going to try is habaneros. The 'peños were so hot after being smoked as to be almost inedible, even to E's mom who is a world class pepper connoisseuse. Can't wait to see what she thinks of these 'neros.

i have a secret

2006-01-17T17:59:00.000-08:00

This is my super-secret none-more-secret recipe for christmas curry that I have been perfecting over about two years. I can release it now because I have a new signature curry, pomegranate-lamb, that I won't be giving details on. Have fun.

You will need:

One large Kabocha squash. Failing this, use summer or spaghetti.
Palm sugar. If you don't have it, use a mixture of brown and white.
Yellow curry paste
Curry powder
Fish sauce ( we love the three crabs brand )
Meat of your choice or tofu, cut into small pieces
(if using meat a white fleshed animal would be best)
Yellow onion
Yukon gold potatoes
3-4 cans coconut milk (small) or one large, one small. You can mix and match regular and lowfat.
Chicken/Vegetable soup stock (the fresher the better)
Rice
Optional:
star anise
Garam Masala

Roast the squash. You can do this the night before if you want. For a Kabocha, cut it in half and scrape out the seeds. Then lightly oil the flesh (you don't want it greazy but you don't want it to burn either). My estimate is 45 minutes at 350, but don't quote me. When your squash has cooled, peel the skin from it. You could do this before you cook it; either way is difficult. On a Kabocha the skin is edible so you don't have to be so stringent. Also you may want to roast the potatoes at this time because the curry will not cook them fully. I'd say cook them about 3/4 of the way done, so that a fork still has trouble going through.

Into the blender/food processor go:

1/4 of the cooked kabocha flesh
1tsp fish sauce
One 'Nilla-wafer' portion of palm sugar (they sell it as such) or 1/4 cup of the sugar mixture
Heaping tablespoon (or two) of curry paste, depending upon if you like it hot
1 can (about 10 oz) coco milk
1-2 cups of stock.
Garam Masala to taste
Generous pinch curry powder

Mix these up thoroughly. It should come out like a melted milkshake. Chunks of palm sugar are OK; they will dissolve with a little encouragement from a spoon. Curry paste, though, will not so if you are unsure, start slowly with some wet ingredients and the paste, adding the sugar later. Pour this mixture into a heated saucepan, wok, or large frying pan. You will need more room than you think. Over medium heat, reduce the mixture for about 30 minutes, encouraging it often so that it doesn't dry too much or burn in certain areas. If you have opted for more stock it will take a bit longer. When you're done it should have reduced in size considerably and stiffened to about honey consistency. Taste it and see if it is lacking in spiciness, curry flavor, saltiness, sweetness. You can adjust for these later.\r\n\r\n \r\nStart your rice. I have found lately that adding stock to the mix is good--but dont\' overdo it. If you are using hard-skinned rice, put in two cups of rice, 3 of water, and one of stock. If you are using polished (white) rice, how about 1 1/2 cups of water and 1/2 cup of stock to 2 cups of rice. Now put the rest of the coconut milk you have into the blender/food processor. Why go for broke? Because the coconut milk\'s breadth will allow for you to adjust the flavors. If the rendered curry you tasted earlier was not spicy enough, add another spoonful or two of curry paste (alternately you can fry a Thai chili or jalapeno for this). If it is not curry-flavored enough, add some curry powder (but be careful...the curry paste is much more complex. Just curry powder will cheapen the final taste). Now would be a good time to add some fish sauce unless it tastes too salty to you. Think of it as the soy sauce of southeast Asia. If the curry is curried, spicy, slightly salty, but not rich then add another 1/4 cup of sugar or one Nilla-wafer amount of palm sugar. Add another 1/4 of the kabocha meat to the blender and let 'er rip. Add the shake you've just made to the rendered curry and bring the heat up to a rolling medium again.

Check your rice!

As the curry begins to reduce again (more slowly this time due to more moisture from coco milk), prepare your hearty ingredients. Chop the remaining squash into bite-size pieces. Do the same for the onion, potatoes, and meat or tofu. If using tofu, giving it a light fry first would help it to retain its shape when you are stirring it around later. If you are using meat, thinly slicing it will obviate the need of extra cooking outside of in the curry pot. Once it appears your curry mixture is on its way (well mixed and steaming but not boiling), add the chunky ingredients. You may want to reserve the onions for later because they are more tender. The duration of cooking is up to your discretion (and that of your ingredients). When each of the ingredients is soft enough to eat it's time to do so!

I like to serve the curry over a small bed of rice in a bowl (it has a tendency to run away from you). I sprinkle curry powder on top (cinnamon would be OK too) and a few star anise stars. Make sure your guests know not to eat the stars!

endangered animals taste good

2006-01-13T14:12:00.000-08:00

Now this is what I'm talkin' about. Ootoro ("oh-toe-row"). A guilty pleasure for me, and I hope all, due to the endangered nature of bluefin tuna. I've seen these fish at the Tsukiji fish market in Tokyo, and man, they are immense. Dangerously so.
This plate of Ootoro and Sake nigiri sushi was brought to us at our most favorite sushi spot in Monterey. We love it there. They apparently like us too, as they didn't charge corkage for our Shirakawago nigori sake.

tryptophan redux

2005-12-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

When you're all sitting around the table staring at that Thanksgiving/Xmas/insert holiday here turkey you're going to hear about it. "Turkey has a compound that makes you sleepy". But did you know that, according to Wikipedia the wise [sic], tryptophan can make you crazy. Or sane.

"Tryptophan has been implicated as a possible cause of schizophrenia in people who cannot metabolize it properly. When improperly metabolized it creates a waste product in the brain which is toxic and causes hallucinations and delusions. Tryptophan has also been indicated as an aid for schizophrenic patients."

Yeah OK guy.

Last weekend, we were involved (implicated?) in the consumption of four turkeys and two hams, the better portions of which were, for some reason, sent home with us. First, my parents had a good ol' reliable Costco honey-baked ham (yes I love them) for Xmas; my cousins had the same make and model the next day (only they threw it in the oven and dried it out). For dinner at the cousins' place, we employed what I should probably call the turkey turnkey solution; I deep-fried the sucker as I did at Thanksgiving time.

Not the best photo I've ever taken, but some of the b(r)est meat I've ever had. Deep-frying a turkey makes it so damn juicy it's unbelievable. Plus it doesn't get greasy at all, not like fried chicken. Be sure to wear your protective gear when you're performing this particular culinary trick.
The best part of all this food is what happend later. Yeah, yeah, I know the jokes. But for serious; I of course took the ham bones and turkey bones (along with most of their meat) and made some excellent stock. This stock I used to make Tom Yam Goong last night; two days ago E used it to make turkey pot pies that were awesome; and I have enough left in the freezer to last for a long while.

we pinch you with our feet

2005-12-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not posting much lately. There hasnt' been a lot to report.

However this last weekend was somewhat interesting. I went crabbing wtih my dad and brother-in-law and came back with six large dungeness, enough for E and I to each have a whole one for dinner that night, prepare loads of crab-laden appetizers for our weekend guests, give enough to my grandparents for their Saturday dinner, and make two heaping crab sandwiches on Sunday! Well, well worth the 35 bucks I paid to go out on the boat ( I didn't even have to pay gas since bro-in-juris was driving ), if you ask me.

Also of note are the truffle and pork crepinettes I got from the fatted calf this weekend. Had them for breakfast, accompanied by poached eggs from our new combo toaster and egg poacher. Indescribably rich and tasty.

More soon.

an izakaya stateside

2005-11-18T12:32:00.000-08:00

So by now you know what I don't like in a sushi spot. But what do I like?
I like a friendly staff who aren't fake-friendly, affordable sushi that isn't the equivalent of day-old doughnuts, flowing saké and or beer, clean tables and silverware, and generosity.

I am so jazzed about this place I found randomly while on my way to north beach a couple of months ago. It has the best (read: friendliest) atmosphere I've seen in a soosh joint stateside, and really makes me feel like I'm eating at an Izakaya/Nomiya without having to shell out like you do at Kisu sushi. The name in Japanese says "Izakaya and Sushi"; in English, "Yokohama Japan LuLu Sushi". It's at 901 Kearney, phone number 415-398-4598. I would advise calling ahead because the hours sometimes change. This is the kind of place that really, really needs to stay in business. I think one thing that might hurt them is that they have no liquor license. But, they are next door to a liquor shop, several bars, and other restaurants, and will let you bring any booze you want with no corkage. Menu items, you ask? I have had many excellent things there. Their Izakaya food is just as good as their sushi; most of it robata/yakiniku style suff. One of the best things they make is the lamb ribs (4 or more if I remember for like 8 bucks); they're delicious. They always have good fish and if their fish isn't up to the task they tell you so. Last night E and I went there for an Omakase meal (if you're not familiar with this, it's just a blanket term for "send me a bunch of stuff that you choose". You can of course tell them what you don't want to eat up front). We had:

salmon shioyaki (2) (!!!)
maguro ~tataki (2) (!!)
salmon 'soup' (1) (!!) (you pour beer in it)
shiro maguro soosh (4) (!!!)
hirame sashimi (~10) (!!!)
gyoza (6) (!)
yakisoba (huge) (!)

We brought a coupla beers in with us, so the whole bill was under fifty bucks. It helps to speak Japanese, but they also speak English and Chinese. The owner is from (duh) Yokohama, Japan's second largest city and home of its best Chinatowns. Do yourself a favor and check them out...and tell them five pints recommended it to you!

yuuuuzin'

2005-11-03T15:29:00.000-08:00

There is a place on the El Cerrito/Richmond border that claims it invented the California roll. It's called YuSan Sushi (yes, that is Japanese for 'Mr. (or Mrs.)Yu'). It is the stronghold of the mortal enemy of our favorite sushi chef, Endo-San of Sugata sushi, so we usually don't go there, or if we do we don't tell Endo. Among the funnier things that have happened at YuSan were: having my birthday there and having YuSan almost fall, drunk, onto our table while telling dirty jokes; the female employees supplicating and apologizing all over the place for his behavior (this is a regular occurrence), and American patrons calling him "Mr. Yuzin".

I've been going to YuSan for about a decade I guess. It has always been a pretty great place for sushi. Not flashy like blue fin (of San Francisco), but very generous cuts of very good fish. Not so any more. The dodgy codger that runs it has let it slip into poofullness. Last night we went in for a light soosh meal and were shocked by how awful it's become. Yu-San can still cut a good fish, but the flopper he's buying these days is well crappy. Not a single cut was even cold (we were three feet from the bar). On a refreshing note, the Kani-Age (soft shell crab app) was quite good. Much better than most places'. The fried/noodle fare there seems to still be good. Just not the raw fish. >sigh<
We have had to add this to the list of places that have recently gone to hell. We even had a bad meal at Yuet Foo last week; I think the woman who really runs the show was out ill and her tiny husband had to waitserve and cook. He burned everything as a result, but still served it to us (which was OK, we love them and will be back). Then, as I mentioned in another post, Taqueria Del Palmar has gone straight into the toitey. Most surprising of all, Juan's Place Mexican Food in Berkeley seems to have gone to shit! E and I went there for a leisurely Friday afternoon lunch (they have Mezcal!!!) and I ordered the carnitas for the first time. Big mistake. They were silly wet, and had not been fried at all it seemed. Gotta stick with the dang "A La Jesus" kaysuh-dilluhs. Our experience at Juan's was truly laughable; not only did we get served chips from someone else's table (they dumped them into our bowl), but a guy poured water into my beer glass. Good times.
We are now on the hunt for new haunts. We have blown up Little Hong Kong on San Pablo for reasons that would fill a whole post. Anyone got any good suggestions for around here?

stick it to pinchy

2005-10-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah so I have guilty pleasures too. One of them is Red Lobster. I know, it's the sizzler of lobster joints. What can I say, they make a killer top shelf long island that is cheeeep and you can gorge yourself on crab which, as someone who has netted and trapped crabs all his life, I can tell you tastes pretty much the same all over a coastal state. I hit up the red lob about once every three to four months (usually spurred on by E's craving...it doesn't take a lot to convince me).
Anyways, since I've given them so much of my money, I thought I would pass on the lack of savings to you, my fellow consumers.
What the hell am I talking about? Well, one of the best things at the red lob is their cheesey muffins. These little dealies are a perfect substitute for an app (and why buy their apps, they are wretched anyhow). Now you can make them at home, for I am about to drop the recipe on you! Read on:

Red Lobster Cheese Biscuits
Serving Size : 10
Preparation Time : 0:00 (???)
Categories : Breads Biscuits Cake Mix
Ingredients and amounts:

1 cup Milk
1/3 cup Mayo
1 tablespoon Sugar -- or 3 packages Sweet & Low
2 cups Self-rising flour
1/4 cup Kraft's American cheese food

Combine milk, Mayo, sugar and flour. Beat with mixer at high speed, not quite 1 minute until smooth and completely combined. Remove beaters. Use rubber spatula to streak the dough with 1/4c cheese food. Drop batterequally between 10 paper-lined muffin wells. Drizzle top of each with ts liquid margarine and dust each with a little garlic powder plus 1 scant ts additional cheese food. Bake 350~ 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown and tripled in size. Cool in pan on racks for 30 minutes. Add only enough flour so batter drops from spoon.

I don't know what that whole 'batter drips from spoon' part is about, but maybe those of you who bake do.
I am also prepared to blow the top off of another of my fellow Americans' favorite forms of indulgement: the StarPuke's Frappucino. Sorry, I meant Starbucks, really, I did. Or was it Starfuck's? Who knows. I don't even drink coffee. But when I do, again, 3-4 times a year, it's the middle of a hot day and I've got to get something done. Ye olde frappucino cup helps the work go by.
Incidentally, WTF is the etymology of frappucino? I always thought it was just a corporate compounding of 'frozen' and 'cappucino'. Turns out, through my studies of dialectology, I've discovered that in many states people call milkshakes 'frappes'. Thus there is a third entity to this most unholy triumvirate of meaning. Pretty genius. There have been articles written recently in the Annual Review of Anthropology concerning their corporate speak (you know, how the employees, once they cross the threshold in the morning and don their green smocks, forget what small, medium, and large mean?) with predictable results.
Anyhow, on to the dishing:

Starbucks® Frappuccino®

Here's one that I get requests for all of the time,
and that you won't yet find in any book. This is a
clone for Starbuck's "Lowfat Creamy Blend of Coffee
& Milk" that you can now find in the all-too-puny
9 1/2-ounce bottles in most stores. Those little
bottles will set you back at least a buck, but this
Top Secret Recipes version costs a mere fraction of that.
Plus, the recipe actually makes enough that you can get
a pretty major caffeine buzz. Then, when you get down to
the "Tidbits" I'll tell you how to clone espresso with a
standard drip machine and ground coffee. Cool!

1/2 cup fresh espresso
2 1/2 cups lowfat milk (2 percent)
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon dry pectin*

Combine all of the ingredients in a pitcher or covered container.
Stir or shake until sugar is dissolved. Chill and serve cold.
Makes 24 ounces.

Tidbits

To make the "Mocha" variety:
Add a pinch (1/16 teaspoon) of cocoa powder to the mixture before
combining.

To fake espresso with a drip coffee maker and standard grind of
coffee:
Use 1/3 cup ground coffee and 1 cup of water.
Brew once then run coffee through machine again, same grounds.
Makes about 1/2 cup fresh espresso to use in the above recipe.
Run a pot of water through machine, without grounds, to clean.

*This is a natural thickener found in fruits that is used for
canning. You can find it in the supermarket near the canning
supplies. It is used in this recipe to make the drink thicker
and creamier, and can be found in the original recipe. It does
not add to the flavor and can be excluded if you don't care so
much about duplicating the texture of the real thing.

Don't be weirded out by the pectin thing. Watching my mom and grandma making jam all those years and adding pectin to it, I can vouch for its lack of poisonous properties. Though if you use it you may grow to detest Sizzler and Starbucks.

hallowhining

2005-10-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

So here is my second diary-style post in the seven months I've been doing TFP. Even David Byrne wrote about more than buildings and food. I think it's important to let you know why I'm not busting out the fat posts lately. The reasons are many. In short order I have a few things to do:

My linguistics seminar, now in its eighth week, is going to be led by the most junior person in the course next week: ME. Furthermore, it's a special session where we plan to review everything we've read and done up to this point. Silverstein. Ochs. Irvine. Briggs. This is just another of UC Berkeley's carefully crafted interviews for grad school. The course is led by the chair, one of the top minds in the field. I fuck up, I'm out of there. Teach says he wants each of us to prepare for 'at least three hours' before the seminar. Dude, I'm lucky if I have ONE hour to myself a day.
One day later, NSF, Wenner-Grenn, and NIH grant proposals are due. Now, I've done mock grants before but imagine if you can the gut-wrenching process of writing the personal statements alone. Tell them what they want to hear, but not so much so that you aren't telling the truth. Science it up or down depending on who you're applying to. Secure multiple transcripts and GRE scores. You know, with all that money you have.
Applications for PhD programs are due one afther the other over the next two months. I have one almost done. At sixty bucks a pop, plus 15 bucks to ETS for your scores, plus 10 to 20 for transcripts, plus all the money you lost not working during those grueling hours ofpreparation and it costs a lot just to want to go to grad school.
My publication. One year ago, I conducted field work in the Tahitian archipelago that could lead to a pretty good publication. I've translated it back to English and transcribed it but that's as far as I've gotten. This, the feather in the cap of any grad school applicant, still eludes me as a goal.
Oh, yeah. My thesis. Guess I should work on that. Any anthropologists/linguists out there that want to read it, give me a shout.
Relationships. Getting in to grad school is about massaging those relationships. You've got to forge them all over and then not let them fall away. Send cards. Smile at their brilliance. These people will be your coworkers for the next 35 years so you'd better get used to their quirks.
Lucky me, I go to a shitty school where the maximum reward per year is $500.00 . So, I also get to work full-time to support myself through all this.

Thus ends the whining. For all these reasons, I don't get to to to my cousin's cabin this weekend and whoop it up with my boys. Too bad, I had fireworks and firearms to contribute.

TEN-pura

2005-10-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hey all;

Last night we had an impromptu (read: unexpected) flash of genius in the tenpura pan. E was tired and didn't want to cook but she mentioned wanting zucchini. When I was a young'un I hated zucchini more than anything, but now I like it fine. Still, I wasn't up for just making some sort of stir-fry with them. I looked in the cabinet for my old friend, and there it was staring back at me on the first shelf...tenpura batter. Aaaaah yeah.

Now, the secret to good tenpura (aside from using a good oil such as peanut) is of course in the batter. You have got to keep that stuff cold if you want the finished product to have those little waving arms of crispy batter that they do in the restaurants. Thanks to Yoko for pointing this out to me. Now I keep my batter in the freezer when I'm not dipping into it, and I also have an ice cube in the mix just to help it along. Change the ice cube regularly to prevent the batter from thinning. Another measure of prevention against this (since the vegetables you're going to be cooking will be wet too) is to make the batter a bit stiff in the first place so it can handle the extra H2O.

It's no stroke of genius to take out vegetables and start battering and frying them. Naturally I cut up a homegrown kabocha and threw that in the mix, also present was an onion and the aforementioned zucchini. What was the real kicker though was that I started tenpura-ing halved serrano and jalapeño peppers. E was like to die when they came out; I think she ate more peppers than zucchini. I have tenpurad several uncommon vegetables and I would like to propose a CaliforniAsian fusion dish starring several of these: Gilroy elephant garlic, Santa Barbara Haas avocados, SoCal's Kabocha (yes, it's where Japan gets its Kabocha from) and the central valley's own Jalapeño peppers. For a base why not eat it with some Californian-grown hinode or calrose Japanese short grain rice?

An orthographic note: why am I writing it t-e-n-pura, you might ask? Don't Japanese restaurants spell it "tempura"?
You are correct. However, this is what I'd like to call an orthographic representation of an articulatory assimilative event. See, the word 'tenpura' is made up of two Chinese characters that the Japanese have appropriated for their own use: Ten ('heaven') and Pura (I believe it is a shortened form of "abura", 'oil', changing to /p/ from /b/ in a devoicing assimilation to the T...but I digress). So when you are saying 'tenpura', even when you attempt to say it with an N- sound, the various parts of your mouth begin to anticipate the bilabial P- sound you are about to make, and turn the N into another bilabial, M.

Anyways, the original pun was meant to convey that this tenpura gets a 10 from the American judges. Just ask Dr. Science.

be very quiet...I'm hunting rillettes...

2005-10-06T14:16:00.000-07:00

Your host has been most busy of late. I'm just stopping in to talk about the yorkshire puddings we made last night with some rabbit rillette from the fatted calf. God DAMN but they were good. E tried to insist that we only make 4 of the dozen puddings with rillette, but I persisted and we did 6/12 of them with it. She ended up eating two of the rillette ones because they were FAR SUPERIOR to butter. We still have to try manteca some time.

We polished off the puddings while watching the castle battle scene from Army of Darkness. Good times.

Dinner on the hoof

2005-09-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

So much has happened recently I've barely had time to think about it, much less write it all down. So instead I will write one post to cover all of my most recent activities. The elk above crossing the road are doing so in Mammoth, WY. at the northern tip of Yellowstone national park, which is where E and I spent a week a little while ago. Seeing these one-ton meatsacks every day sure made me want to try them out for dinner. Eventually I got my chance--on the last night of our stay we splurged and checked into the old faithful lodge, and they had elk on the menu.
Not only was it the last night for us in Yellowstone, it was the last night of the lodge's being open for the next three years. We did not seem to realize what this meant. Reading between the lines yields: scores of American and eastern European twentysomethings working in the various lodges had rented out most of the place for the night so that they could party their asses off till who knows when. If you have ever stayed in a lodge in Yellowstone, especially the Old Faithful, you know that these places are hardly quiet in the first place. There was so much after-hours activity going on that at 5:45 in the morning, a fire alarm got pulled. We didn't stay around to find out if there was an actual fire, for we knew that had there been one they wouldn't let us back into our rooms anyway. While middle-agers struggled to wake the aged and evacuate, we packed our shit and took off. Thanks to E, we did not neglect to bring our last rasher of Buffalo jerky with us and so enjoyed its stringy saltiness all the way home. 50 miles at 30 MPH later, we ended up having an excellent breakfast at the Three Bears which is something of an institution. A very simple affair consisting of biscuits, sausage gravy, and hash browns that really did the trick.

Meanwhile, at home, my Kabocha and Acorn squash were ripening:

Growing Kabocha has been one of the greatest accidental gardening projects of my life. Do you know how much these things cost in the store? Too much. Not only are they delicious, but I have been giving them out to all of my favorite sushi restaurant owners, Japanese professors, and the like so they have become something of a currency.

Guy and I decided to hold a DOG (Dutch Oven Gathering) at his house this last weekend. It was ludicrously successful, plus I got the chance to eat elk and venison again, thanks to chilebrown. The (stolen) image below links to Guy's extensive coverage of our efforts, which included chilebrown's Chili and Cornbread, my and E's liberty duck legs with stew and Calabrese sausage stew with dumplings on top and Guy's Lamb Roast and his wife's biscuits.

Guy's post obviates the need for further description on my part. I'm signing off for now but will be back soon to regail you with further culinary escapades.

Some of the best blogs aren't blogs.

2005-09-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

Here is a straightforward, somewhat saucy review of a bunch of east bay restaurants. Wholly accurate in much of its content, it doesn't even need pictures to get its imagery across. Check for how many places he says the Pacific East Mall is located:

Some random guy's musings on east bay food

slim pickins

2005-09-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

This week I am poor. I've been eating salad (largely made from what I've grown in my yard) and just-add-water soups all week. Where did the money go? With me and E to Yellowstone last week. Tune in soon for a culinary report of the cervids and bovids we consumed there.

I smell pot!

2005-08-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

A judge nasally inspects our ovens for 'rancid'.

I just got a fresh batch of photos back from our Dutch oven cook-off victory in La Pine, Oregon and thought I would share them with you. Below, E chops the garlic that we brought all the way from Gilroy for the festivities. I think something that really won us points with the judges was the fact that we cared about our ingredients and only brought the best we possibly could.

Take that.

As stated below, the baklava was a big hit. We used oregano-infused butter which we doused between each layer of phyllo dough to bake our way to best use of featured herb. I even melted the butter in a cast iron cup measure:

When completed, the 'lava was hot. We flanked it with the unused portion of the imported Iranian pistachios and walnuts and the crowd went wild.

The only problem was how to get it into people's waiting mouths. When cooking baklava you have to know how many pieces you are going to end up with and cut accordingly; you can't just cut it all up at the end or the phyllo will fall all apart. Folks had to make do with rather large pieces of 'lava which they were none to displeased about.

Oh, oh, the Wells Fargo Wagon is uh...

2005-08-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that E and I are the returning champions of the La Pine, Oregon High Desert Herb Festival and Dutch Oven Cook-Off?? Yeehaw!!!

In the midst of a mockup western town we mocked-up semblances of old west

inhabitants did our best to impress in 'god's country'.

Dateline: La Pine, Oregon. Never heard of it? It's no surprise. Neither had we until Tuesday, August 2 when I found out about the Dutch oven cook-off to be held on Saturday the sixth. This was an International Dutch Oven Society (IDOS) sanctioned cook-off and a qualifying match for the world championship in Murray, UT this year. It's also the only one that we thought we would be physically and financially able to make it to. So we made a snap decision to head to Oregon late Friday night after work to compete Saturday morning.

We knew we'd be outclassed by all these old-timers who'd been Dutching it for a thousand years or so. We knew everybody but us would be sporting magnetic yellow ribbons on their cars, and that there wouldn't be a bottle of Pellegrino for a hundred miles in any direction. But we also had a good feeling that we would win. In an evening, we came up with these recipes, adhering to the competition's rules and featuring the herb of the year, Oregano:

Dessert: Baklava
Ingredients:16 oz package phyllo dough, thawed (follow package directions) 16 oz pistachios, finely chopped (4 cups) 1/2 cup sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon 2 sticks melted butter or margarine 12 oz honey
Fresh oregano

Special Equipment:
Vessel for melting butter
Oil brush
Parchment paper
Directions:Preheat a large Dutch oven. Prepare butter by melting with some oregano. Leave oregano leaves attached to twigs for easy removal later.
Brush butter on bottom and sides of large Dutch oven. Mix nuts, sugar and cinnamon. Unroll phyllo dough and cut into 9x12 pieces (this can be easily done by simply cutting the large piece in half). Place one layer of dough in pan. Brush with butter. Repeat with at least 5-6 layers. Evenly distribute one cup of nut mixture. Place one layer of dough over the nuts. Brush with butter. Repeat with at least 5-6 layers. Continue with 5-6 layer intervals until last cup of walnut mixture is layered. Over walnut mixture, place one layer of dough and brush with butter. Place all remaining dough on buttered layer. Butter the top layer only. With a sharp knife, cutting only halfway through all layers, divide into 24-36 portions. Bake for 1 1/2 hours or until light golden brown. Use parchment paper to remove baklava intact. Cover the inside of the D.O.’s lid with the paper, replace the lid, then flip the oven so the baklava fall onto it. If underside is not as attractive as the top, flip them again once they are out of the oven. Heat honey until hot, but not boiling. Pour over the top of Baklava. Cool. Cut through bottom half of layers to serve.

Bread: Herbed Focaccia
Ingredients:
3 ½ Cups unbleached organic flour
1 Tsp sea salt
Coarse sea salt to top
Pinch sugar
1 Packet active dry yeast
Olive oil
1 ¼ cups water
1 cup parmesan cheese
Herbs (rosemary, oregano)

Combine wet ingredients in a bowl. Combine dry ingredients in a bowl. Mix all together and knead for at least five minutes. Cover bowl and allow to rise. Punch down and let rise again. Coat dough with olive oil. Bake in a large Dutch oven at 400 degrees for 20-30 minutes. For a 12” DO this will mean 19 briquettes on top and 10 on the bottom; for a 14” DO you will need 24 briquettes on top and 12 on the bottom. Turn often to ensure even distribution of heat. Remove bread, cut, sprinkle with salt and herbs, and serve.

Main: Herb-encrusted rack of lamb
Ingredients:
Two racks of Lamb
Sea salt
Stock
2-3 Onions
Truffle oil
Olive oil
Garlic
Black pepper
Root vegetables (Parsnip, potato, carrot. Can substitute rutabaga for parsnip).
Herbs for rub (oregano, rosemary, thyme, basil, oregano, garlic)
Herbs for flash-frying (oregano, rosemary, thyme, basil, marjoram)
Mustard
Panko bread crumbs

Special equipment:
Dutch Oven Rack
Cast Iron Skillet
Baster

To prepare herb rub, mix herbs together with mortar and pestle. Remove and mix with panko in separate bowl.
In large Dutch oven or cast iron skillet, brown lamb in oil to make crispy outside. Remove lamb and insert rack. Cut between lamb bones to ensure penetration of flavors, but not enough to separate the ribs. Apply mustard to meaty part of rib, top and bottom. Rub mustarded areas with herb rub. Place stock in D.O. Then place root vegetables in D.O. Cook root vegetables for 20-25 minutes at 350 degrees.

A 12” D.O. will require 17 briquettes on the top and 8 on the bottom to achieve this temperature; a 14-incher will require 21 on the top and 11 on the bottom.
Add rack and lamb and onion and cook for 10-12 minutes at 450 degrees or until the meat reaches an internal temperature of about 130° F. Allow to rest 10 minutes before carving. Baste. For a desired temperature of 450 degrees, a 14” D.O. will require 26 briquettes on top and 14 on the bottom; a 12” D.O. will require 22 on top and 11 on the bottom.

The level of specificity in the recipes was called for by the judges as we were adhering to IDOS rules. I did come up with two innovations that I had to ask about. The first was cans of compressed air. Now of course the cowboys, etc. in the nineteenth century didn't have cans of compressed air, but they did have Dutch ovens that cook using charcoal and so they had a perennial problem of removing the charcoal dust from the oven lid before inspecting the food cooking inside of the oven. This they accomplished with a whisk broom. I opted for the 21st century's technological advantage and had to make sure it was within the rules. The gracious host of the event, Linda, said "we're not going to hang you if you don't follow one of the rules" and that she thought the compressed air was a hell of an idea.
For purposes of time and avoiding CTS I am going to gloss over the first two dishes, which are the ones we won first and second prize for.

Here are the young lovers, basking in the afterglow of winning first place
for dessert, second place for bread, people's choice for cleanliest
camp.

I will simply say that baking bread and baklava in the Dutch ovens was an amazingly and surprisingly awarding experience that paid off big time when it came time to be judged.

On to the main event, and the one we were the most sure of. We went about the business of prepping all of the vegetables for the lamb dish even as we finished cooking the focaccia. We had a gorgeous broth in which to cook all of the root vegetables, 8 parts Pasta Shop chicken stock and one part Oakland Butcher veal stock (we could not get our hands on any Fatted Calf duck demi like we'd hoped). In truth we spent too much time worrying about the vegetables and cross contamination (another stipulation of the rules) and not enough time worrying about the lamb.

Is this a cleanly camp cooksite or what??

We tried so frigging hard to have this ready on time, and in the end what tripped us up was that the lamb simply had not cooked long enough. So, for anyone who likes rare meat (which apparently was most people at the cook-off, as they would not leave us and our uncooked lamb alone) it was fine, but it wouldn't have been legal to serve. We managed to keep a rack for ourselves.
Our presentation as well was freaking gorgeous. We're pretty certain we would have one based on that--you should have heard the crowd's reaction as we brought it out and placed it aside the other main dishes:

The redness that you see underneath the lamb is actually radicchio not red meat. The contrast was gorgeous. The dish stage right of ours (with the biscuits on top) was the only one we saw that employed the cook-on-top strategy that we so love to do with most of our Dutch oven recipes. Unfortunately the rest of the dish was unremarkable, resembling the BBQ chicken below. Similarly the one to stage left of it was a novice's attempt at a pro's dish. This was made by our immediate neighbors, team #8, who were very well-intentioned but not very accomplished Dutch oveners.

So in short we took second place in the contest all in all. We are not going to nationals this year unless we go to Kenab, UT (where??) on August 27th for the western legends competition there. We've looked into corporate sponsorship, the only way we can think of to get there, and it's not forthcoming. So, we are prepping for next year's HDHF hoping we can surprise them again with our crazy Californian-Italian-Mediterranean cuisine. On the plus side, we won over 200 bucks in cash and prizes, and so treated ourselves to a night at the crater lake lodge, which was ridiculously gorgeous.

E and I cooked the rest of the lamb on the porch at the lodge using my portable cooker and had a few drinks to celebrate.

I have to note that all of the people involved in this competition were extremely nice and friendly. We were a bit worried when I first spoke to Linda on the phone and she told me it was 'god's country' up there. We were afraid that people would try to convert us to whatever religion they follow (we saw a lot of Pentecostal churches up there. >shudder< )But we politely declined the kind invitations we got from people to stay at their homes that night and thus removed the context. I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't be prepared for our ultraprogressive Bay Area musings living in the middle of nowhere.
But as I say, these people were as nice as can be, without being weird nice like in Utah. They have kept in contact, sending us nice letters and emails. We're thankful for the experience and would do it again.

Bloggers blogging through the night

2005-08-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give a shout out to all my homies in the field of food blogging. We really jammed up the works over at Biggles' place on Sunday with the first annual SF bay food bloggers' picnic. It was fun meeting and yakking with so many intelligent and capable folks. Looking forward to doing it next year. Oh, and hey, here's a photo of the aforementioned Kabocha that I done brung to the pic-nic (stolen from Fatemeh's blog):

It was cool to rub shoulders with people who appreciate food as much as (or more than) I do. I even got to meet one of the people whose blog I look up to and secretly am jealous of, Pim.

Separated at birth?
Pim loved my kabocha, which is the name of the sqush I used, not the dish itself. That was a doff of the hat to me. I liked her satay but thought they lacked sugar. That is probably due to my American taste for Thai which makes me want everything sweet as well as spicy. Next year, Ms. Techamuanvivit, I will make some flying prawns for you.

Bad consumer! No! No!!

2005-08-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

If you order this I will rub your nose in it!!!

Ok. Following below is the official press release from sizzler re: the meal advertised above (with my comments of course):

Sherman Oaks, CA - What's the next best thing to having a culinary Olympian come to your house to cook dinner? Going to his, which is why Sizzler Executive Chef Dudley McMahon is inviting guests over for "Chef Dudley¹s Backyard BBQ Combo."

Ok. 1: I don't want this guy at my house. I don't want him within a hundred feet of it. Anyone who could be stunt doubled by bit part actor Michael G. Hagerty does not pass go, does not enter castle five pints. And I don't want to go to his house, with its backyard appointments fresh off the rack at Expo and his great halls lovingly adorned with the calibre of oil-on-velvet paintings that only an executive chef for the Sizzler's salary could provide. So really, the teaser line is wasted on me (and I hope any discerning consumer).

A life-size, stand-up cut-out of Chef Dudley holding his latest creation greets guests at the chain¹s more than 300 locations. The
$11.99 Backyard BBQ Combo features ribs, chicken, shrimp and choice of corn-on-the-cob or a vegetable skewer.

2. Wait a minute -- it's life-size? How do the customers get through the door then? They themselves average the same girth as Dudley's, so I don't see it working. Does the fire department know?
And let's address the food, shall we? I know the ad is set up to fill us with comfortable feelings since all of the foods match the APPROVED COLORS FOR AMERICANS® that lets us know a food item is desirable. But step back for a minute folks. Corn is not supposed to be that color. It only gets that way when it is genetically modified, which I believe I've mentioned before, is a bad thing. What do you suppose comes on the "vegetable skewer" (the 'new steamed vegetables' that the ad above talks about)? I'm guessing two sections of carrot, three of broccoli, in their brilliant ACFA® glory.

McMahon, vice president of product development, is an award-winning culinarian and member of Team USA, which won the coveted gold medal in the 1992 Culinary Olympics held in Frankfurt, Germany. He joined Sizzler in 2001 and was given the task of revamping the chain¹s menu and restoring food quality.

3. Has anyone reading this ever met a vice-president of anything? To say nothing of the hawkish, petulant, sebum-oozing cardiac case at the helm of Right Wing America, Inc., VPs of companies are there for one game plan: to make a lot of money, screw over a whole bunch of little people, then take the money and run. That is why it is hard to get a job as a VP after you've had one; they know you know the game. And they know that you know that they know that you know...I digress.
Now, what European was drunk enough to award VP Dudley and his team the gold in the 'Culinary Olympics'? Who were they up against, the VPs from In-n-out and McDonald's? What did they serve? What were the rules of preparation? Would it be considered smuggling to bring dangerous GMO foods and condiments into Germany? I have so many questions. One of these is, 'restoring Sizzler's food quality to what?' As if there were some golden ideal in the past when Sizzler stood out from the rest as the bastion of good taste among a sea of Chili's and Mickey D's. Those halcyon days, when love meant you and yours gorging yourselves on uncleaned, deep-fried bay shrimp. The impossible standard, which 'casual dining' restaurants everywhere hope to attain.

"People don't expect a casual dining chain like Sizzler to have someone with Chef Dudley¹s credentials in charge of their food," said Mike Branigan, vice president of marketing. "One of our challenges is communicating that Sizzler's food has improved tremendously in the last few years, and using Chef Dudley as a spokesperson gives credibility to that message."

4. Can any of these guys say something that wasn't written for them? Do you suppose either of them has even paused from their haze of cocaine and hookers long enough to read this press release? Of course not. Refer to V.P. comment above.

Chef Dudley's Backyard BBQ Combo, launched in late July, continues Sizzler¹s strategy of offering innovative, flavorful food at a great value. The Backyard BBQ Combo includes fall-off-the-bone St.
Louis-style ribs in a 30-spice barbecue sauce, chicken in a citrus-pesto glaze, and shrimp skewered and smothered with sweet chili sauce. The combo also includes farm-fresh corn-on-the cob or vegetable skewer, plus choice of a side dish.

5. Let me guess what the 30 spices are. You can play along with me. Ready?

Table Salt
Kosher Salt
Sea Salt
Celery Salt
Garlic Salt
Citric Acid
Red Sea Salt
Hickory Smoke Salt
Mesquite Smoke Flavor Salt
Jalapeno Salt
Pickling Salt
Onion Salt
Micro Powder Salt Flour
Pretzel Salt
Refined Salt
Seasoning Salt
Black Pepper
Cayenne Pepper
Chipotle Pepper
Ancho Pepper
Arbol Pepper
Green Bell Pepper
Garlic Pepper
Green Pepper
Jalapeno Pepper
Lemon Pepper
Pasilla Pepper
Pequin Pepper
Red Bell Pepper
Serrano Pepper

Well, that wasn't hard. I've heard though that Sizzler's research has allowed them to combine all these ingredients into two simple categories: Salt and Pepper. Then you simply mix them with some Red Dye number five and refined sugar and spread it on! The meat will be falling off of your bones, too, when this NaCL bomb hits your gut. Be sure to get plenty of water.

"Our research tells us that today¹s guests want variety, bold flavors, freshness and more choices, but that value is also very important," said Chef Dudley. "This combo, like our extremely successful $13.99 steak and lobster promotion earlier this year, delivers exactly what guests are looking for. We're serving a caliber of food people expect to find at much more expensive restaurants, and we're offering it at a very reasonable price."

6. Very good. Sounds like a completely off-the-cuff, unrehearsed remark. Since Chef Dudley is such a down-to-earth guy and he's just like you and me, he usually whiles away the hours by reading his company's 'research' and devising new ways to manipulate the cattle-like hordes that apparently flock to the Sizzler's open doors to be greeted by Dudley's life-size effigy.

Chef Dudley will be in his backyard grilling, so to speak, until Sept. 11 when the limited time offer ends.

7. I guess what the corporate officers at Sizzler are trying to tell us is that the real tragedy of September the eleventh is that we will no longer be able to enjoy the value of Louisville style ribs, baked potato, corn on the cob (or NEW steamed vegetables!), shrimp and BBQ chicken all for one low, low price!

¿Donde Estan Mis Desayunos?

2005-07-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

What the F is up with the lack of good Mexican food in El Cerrito? Not in the roach-infested backstreets that smell of axle grease. Not in Albany. EL CERRITO CENTRALE. Yeah, you know, the place with the Spanish name whose Mexican food isn't worth a hill of [sic] beans. I'm talking about the hundred or so blocks between Cutting and Solano, where citizens are plentiful and desire for la comida Méxicana goes unfulfilled daily. Good carnitas or even beans and rice are as rare here as a good bowl of pho in Berkeley.

Here are your options if you go diminutive burro hunting in El Cerrito (Which, yes, we affectionately call El Burrito).

Best Burrito: Best diarrhea. White rice, TERIYAKI glazed chicken (thanks to the owners) and a Central American staff that knows better than to serve what they're serving. On the plus side, if you are into a bowl of tofu they do make a really good vegetarian plate. Just avoid the Mexican food at all costs. I guess they couldn't really make it by pimping themselves out as "Best Dobu" (Korean for 'tofu').

Christopher's Nothing Fancy Café: Christopher's nothing Mexican cafe. Or perhaps Christopher's nothing affordable cafe. Let's make some fajitas out of crappy beef and charge 14 bucks for them. No, gracias.

Trevño's: Mal trabajo. This place's salsa makes Rubios' seem spicy. Talk about getting the gringo treatment - there is no way on earth to get a non-huero meal there. Hang out about noon on a Sunday and you'll find out why; droves of pasty, fat Americans straight from church, wheezing in the throes of a diabetic-style attack from not having consumed animal fat in the last forty minutes. Watch them sop sour cream (not créma) on everything and see how much of it ends up IN (not on) their mouths.

Rubio's: I shouldn't even mention it because no one expects anything from it. Not a mom and pop shop, just a huge faceless corporation so I can't attack any one person's character. In fact, the group of Hmog/Pinoy/Méxicanos that run the El Cerrito branch are quite competent and friendly. They can't help it that they're serving fried up nuggets of someone's regur. I see they're serving tortas now. How sad. If you really have to go here, do what I do: get something really cheap to go, like chips or a single fish taco. Then go over to the salsa bar. Ignore the salsa. Fill your bag up with the uncut lemons and limes at the bar and skip on out of there. As I say, the staff is rather vigilant, so you'll have to be crafty. Hell, if they catch you just act like you thought they were there for the customers.

Wretchio's.

Salsa Taqueria #2 (Formerly Fidel's Taqueria): El sabor autentico de la mierda Méxicana. This place is a shit sandwich. Nothing more need be said.

Unnamed Taco Truck, Central Ave.: Hooray! A taco truck in my own town! How pleased was I when this truck started parking on apparently random days outside of the abandoned lot on Central? Plenty. Unfortunately, it stinks. The carnitas (really the Ume-Shiso Maki of Mexican food--for the uncultured, that means it's the litmus test) is in cubes, always a bad sign. The salsas are abysmal. The service is ass and it's overpriced. Que désagreable.

Taqueria Del Palmar: This could get ugly.
E and I were so pleased two years ago when this place opened up. Like Guy notes, they do put nice little touches on things, like cool serapes under the table glass and little fake cacti. Hell, they even have Salsa Yucateco (a habanero sauce) for the patrons to use directly on the food or mixed with their once-good salsas, which at one time you could retrieve by yourself from their little salsa bar. The place is truly Mexican, at least when compared to the México that I know, in that you must allow four to six weeks for delivery of your food. This is not a problem for people who know how long a Mexican 'minute' is, and we always tip the cook and the server.

To begin with, we started off our experiences with this place by ordering a few faves. Chile Relleno burritos, sopes, tortas de carnitas, enchiladas, y otras cosas que buenas. We were stunned every time with how great they were. We got to be friends with the owner, Alfredo, who always knew us not just as another couple of hueros, but as hueros who liberally applied the hottest pepper on earth to their food and raved about it every time. Donning a shirt and apron as white as the sauce which bears his name, Alfredo would offer a big smile and pats on the back every time we came in. "Good to see you again!" and the like.

Unfortunately Alfredo's friendly nature was taken advantage of by friends and family. I can't say how many times we walked into the restaurant to see groups of people eating and not paying, a bunch of hangers-on who preyed on the restaurant to the tune of huge meals all the time. I'm not going to say that I know how the business end of things works there, hell, maybe Alfredo owed these guys money. Maybe he had dozens and dozens of co-investors in the restaurant who as a rule would always eat for free, but I doubt it.

After a while, in the tough, tough restaurant business and for whatever reason, Alfredo began cost-cutting. The torpedo-shaped tortas piled high with carnitas and fixins slowly morphed into squatter versions...and then finally into the dreaded burger-bun torta that signals the end of all things good. During all this, the service declined along with the quality. As mentioned above, E loved the sopés that they made/make there. Once, she ordered them from a girl we'd never seen before to the reply of "We've never had sopés." (insert bitchy teenage flip of the hair here)"EVER." How fucking infuriating is that, when someone tells you you're not gettting a ticket as you both watch a meter maid writing you one? So, the anti-gringo sentiment grew. Could we have done something wrong? Maybe they were angry that we always paid our bill and tipped heavily? Or was it our friendly attitude and constant patronage that tipped the scales against us?

I brought my Mexican friend José there once during this transition to crappiness period, when I still held out hope that Taqueria del Palmar was going to pull itself out of the tailspin it so deliberately set itself up for. José is even from the same city as these folks, Guadalajara, as his surname Jara attests to. Long story short, he didn't even finish his meal. Ol' Joe Spears (the gringo name we kid him with) lost a lot of respect for our palates that day.

Whatever reason there may have been, the place went to hell in a handbasket. It's really sad when a once-great establishment gets wrecked by a staff of suck-ass, good-for-nothing teenagers and a bunch of freeloading asshats. The taqueria was really poised to show El Cerrito the meaning of good Jalíscan Mexican food, but instead all it did was to tease our taste buds for a few months until crappy circumstances turned it into a dungheap, pulling the serapé right out from under us. Palmar, I shed a selfish tear for thee.

summer squash

2005-07-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

Hey folks; I've been remiss in my posting lately. Coming soon will be a post on my gorgeous Kabocha squash I've been growing in my backyard as well as one on the subject of the (as yet to happen) SF Bay bloggers' picnic. These two might end up being the same post due to the fact that I'll prolly end up serving kabocha at the picnic! Stay tuned...

Roughing It

2005-07-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

As stated in a previous post, twice a year I look forward to going up to my cousin's cabin to goof off in earnest. The ATF would have a field day with our festivities because they hit on each of their favorite points oh-so-many times a day. However, while all the rednecks are out there tearing up the countryside and shooting animals, we slightly better rednecks turn our aggravation inwards, smoking, drinking, and eating our way through the weekend.

Some people, when they go camping, don't even bring a fork. I guess they think that food will just fall into their mouths wherever they go. My sister and her boyfriend just recently started bringing lamps with them when they go camping. In all seriousness though, most of the folks that join us on these trips bring nothing but cigarettes and their share of the keg money and just think that's how it works. Not me and E. This time I brought a whole bed complete with duvet cover and a solar shower for when the propane shower runs out of hot water. We also brought a massive feast.

For my own part, I like to make a phat dinner on one of the nights that we're there, not just to try out my cooking skills, but to test them as applied to a large group. You cook differently for 15 people than you do for six, and Dutch ovens are a great way to address this issue.

E and I set up a menu that took into consideration everyone's dietary concerns and the fact that they would be incredibly hungry. On tap for the evening were:

Vegetarian Dutch oven stew
Meat Dutch oven stew
Drunken Duck
Lobster Bisque
Dessert: Dutch oven peach cobbler

We forgot to bring the mushroom stock up with us so we had to start that on Friday night to be ready for the Saturday festivities. I bought four portobello mushrooms and began roasting them, then combined them with the tops of all the vegetables we pre-prepped for the next day (including parsnips, turnips, onions, potatoes, leeks, etc.) Boiled this down over one of my camp stoves for about an hour then reserved the juice and threw out the detritous.

The next day was shotgun and dinner day. Before we left to go shooting, I had started a boneless leg of lamb over some mesquite with instructions to the stay-beninds to take it off the heat if it started getting too smoky. We both had very good luck with the shotgun, with me shooting 4/5 clay pigeons down.

Right, E. shows the clay pigeons that she means business. Above, the lamb begins its journey into our GI tracts.

We returned to camp before all of the others to tend to the food. While I was slow-roasting the lamb I thought I'd prep the duck as well. We used some abbey ale in the drunken duck can as chimay was unavailable, and we were too far away from Fort Bragg to obtain some of our favorite Belgian-style ale, Old Coast Ale.

Then, to ensure proper cooking of the whole bird (this was a muscovy duck and far more fatty than the liberty duck I prepared in the post below), I build up a Korean flag-style circle of bricks around the quacker. These bricks got very hot and hit the duck from all sides with heat. When we pulled it off it was a gorgeous brown and completely done:

First to go was the lobster bisque. I'd like to say I caught the lobsters and cooked them myself, but of course I didn't. It was just a Heinz soup mix (we have a friend who is a restaurant supplier) that you add a gallon of whole milk to. People seemed to really enjoy it although I wasn't into it at all. Lobster is probably my favorite food, and Heinz should stay away from it.
Next, E and I got about the business of doing the Dutch ovens in earnest. Into the meat oven went stock I made from the drunken duck below, root vegetables, savory vegetables, and herbs. After the meat oven had boiled for about half an hour, E put a bunch of dumpling mix that she had made from scratch on top. Only the lucky ended up getting one of these, but the lucky turned out to be 95% of the campers. Much to the vegetarians' delight, we ended up serving them first as their oven was done cooking first. Next came the meat oven, and we essentially had to fight people off of it. Yeah, it was damned good.

After that we turned our attentions to the portion of the lamb that didn't make it into the pot and the duck. We threw both of these back on the grill for a few minutes then cut them and served them. People jumped all over it.
Next E washed out the veggie oven and began her cobbler. The peaches were a little worse for wear, having been in a cooler for a day with a bunch of heavier, less bruisable items. But we pulled through and managed to serve almost everyone a large slice of cobbler from the small, 8-quart Dutch oven.

The next day, we rested. But, we did help our friend Brad make his oh-so-Atkins friendly 'super chicken'. It's a breast of chicken pounded flat then wrapped around cream cheese and chives. About this you wrap 3 strips of bacon. Owch.
I made brad put five strips of bacon around mine because I wasn't sure that my heart had had enough punishment over the weekend. We joked that the next step would be to cut the chicken into rounds, then batter and fry them and top with chocolate. Maybe next time.

Surf N Turf

2005-06-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

A night at the Sizzler with steak and fried shrimp? Not at my house, my friends. What I'm talking about here is two nights of excellent eats with seafood and land mammal themed dishes.

Sunday was fondue night. E and I picked out some emmenthaler and chardonnay at a local procurer. Next door we picked up some pancetta and boudin blanc sausage, a baguette and some fresh organic California asparagus. I don't have any photos of the creative process but when it was through we had this to deal with:

Tough work, but we got through it all right! If you are ever tempted to buy one of those premade fondue packs, don't do it. Just do it right and buy some good cheese and wine and you'll be glad you did.

That was the turf. Now how about the surf? I hope you like tako (octopus). We picked out a few choice legs from a local Japanese grocer and I butchered them at home with my Shikoku knives:

Our wiggly little buddy. Click to enlarge.

I managed not to eat all of the tako before it got to the dish. The last time I ate this much eight-legger was in the mountains above Kochi City on the island of Shikoku in southwestern Japan. A buddy and I bought a couple legs, cut them up, and ate them with an incredibly simple sauce that we made. I think it was soy sauce, mayo and wasabi or mustard but I can't quite remember. I almost went crazy trying to make it again and didn't exactly succeed. Plus, this tako wasn't as fresh as I would have liked, but I dealt with it.

What we were on our way to making was Okonomiyaki (literally "what you like grilled"), a tasty potato pancake-style concoction of Japanese origin. It varies greatly from region to region, and mine is definitely Tokyo style. I decided to take special care with each of the ingredients so the final dish would be as good as it possibly could. First I fried the mushrooms in my brand new lodge cast iron frypan.

These pans are the BEST. They hold heat really well and you don't ever have to worry about scratching them. For E's birthday I bought her a couple of Calphalon pans which she really adores. They are really great, not even in the same ballpark as my lodges. But you can't use any metal implements with them, which is a drag. You could drop my pans off a ten-story building and not damage them. Using them, I also fried up the pork that was to top/fill the okonomiyaki. I mixed some of it in with the dough as well as the remaining tako, the mushrooms, some scallions, katsuo (bonito) flakes and cabbage. Halfway through they looked like this:

They need to be flipped to cook all the way. So I flipped 'em. It's at this point that you want to put some toppings on them, so I put pork, katsuo, scallions and cabbage on top:

The finished product, as it should, looked something like this:

We paired it with a light saké and garnished with kagome 'ketchup' and kwepie 'mayonaise'.

Die with a "T"

2005-06-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

Bring us a shrubbery

Blog=Weblog=Diary. A public one. "Dear internet: today some bullshit happened to me and you're the only one I can talk to about it. " Perfect, right?

Not going to happen on the five pints.

I want to update you all, however, on the status of my diet.

The vegan thing lasted about a week
The small meals thing is only possible during the work week
I quickly lost about ten pounds, then gained back about five

People in my family gain and lose weight very quickly, so I'm not surprised by this yo-yoing of my waistline. Also, my exercise regimens lately have focused a lot more on weightlifting than on cardio, so I'm burning calories but not as much as in past months--just putting on mass on my arms, not taking it off of my gut.

E and I are, however, about to go on a forced week of veganism. We're going backpacking in Tahoe and won't exactly be in the business of carrying around meat. Unless I catch us some fish in those pristine, chilly lakes it's going to be tasty bite and instant rice for five days straight.

Over the fourth of July weekend, E and I are going to my cousin's cabin in Mendo for some recreation. I am not a playa dust junkie. You will never see me at burning man or anything resembling it. But, this yearly expedition to the mid-north of California is my burning man, as much as Star Wars III was my superbowl. It is a chance to get together with my family and friends and cook huge meals, drink huge kegs, and practice my four wheeling and shotgun shooting.

This is how we liberal elites advocate for policy change.

Whenever E and I attend this event we do so with the intention of making some awesome food, and that's what we do. Towards the beginning of the festivities I'll make something crazy like a whole leg of lamb slowly roasted or a whole bunch of Cornish game hens. After four days of eating little else but meat, all the campers go nuts when we break out the vegan dutch oven stews, composed of fresh organic produce purchased along the way up to the cabin. Moderation? Not in the wilderness. It's all or nothing, one or the other. Can't wait.

Crazy Canard

2005-06-07T13:11:00.000-07:00

By now many people are familiar with "drunken chicken" or "beer butt chicken". What you do is cram a can of beer in the cavity of a chicken, stand it on its feet on a grill and grill away. The beer boils, making the bird's insides juicy and delicious, while the coals coax the outside to give up its moisture. It's a win-win situation for the consumer.

One variation on this theme that I thought of would be to use Cornish game hens instead of chickens and prop them up on the tiny ("housewife size") cans of Sapporo that are sold in Japanese markets. I still haven't tried that out. What I did try out, however, will blow you away.
First, I went and bought one of these:

They call it a chick-can and its purpose is obvious--it holds the beer can as well as the bird up and prevents your meal from getting charcoal-flavored when it inevitably falls down. Inevitably, that is, if you don't have one of these. Then, I secured my bird: a three-pound whole liberty duck! I marinated the duck overnight in a water-based stew of roasted spices, onions, and garlic:

Glamorous, eh? I turned the duck several times during the night to ensure even distribution. Daffy here was on his way to becoming more delicious than he ever dreamt of. My next modification to the standard drunken chicken plan was to use good beer. Most people who make this dish use budweiser or some such truck. I figured the beer should match the bird, so after emptying a 20oz. Three Horses, I filled the can up with Chimay, reserving the rest of the trappist ale for later use. I started a bunch of Lazzari mesquite coals on my grill. A note about grilling: I almost never use gas. The one thing I use the propane for is to start my mesquite, then we're off and running. It is so important to the flavor of the dish.

Here we see the duck cooking in about a 400 degree environment. The pie pan beneath it collected enough duck fat over the course of the preparation to fill my 3 cup pyrex measuring cup. I saved the fat and ended up making french fries with it a couple of days later. Fantastic.

Back to the bird. I kept adding chimay to the can. It was boiling off pretty quickly so I plugged the duck's neck-hole with 3 fresh bay leaves and rosemary and marjoram from the yard. As he cooked, his pride swelled. It's curious to note how the duck looked dumpy in the photo above and then straightened out into the tasty soldier below:

The bird, about halfway done

Meanwile, E was busy cooking up several salads for the guests that had trickled in to join us for these, our memorial day festivities. She found time to whip up a blood orange, tequila, and coriander seed sauce for the bird that was excellent. Before I butchered the duck and after I took it off of the grill it looked like this:

I am no expert at carving, but I took pretty good care of this crazy quacker. In the end everybody got a generous serving of drunken duck that I challenge anyone to improve upon. Towards the end, the wings did get a little singed, so I recommend wrapping them in aluminum foil when you are about 20 minutes out from done. But let's face it - when it comes to duck it's not about the wings! With the indirect-heat method I used I estimate it took 2.5 hours to cook the fowl.

Oh ño you didn't

2005-06-01T12:12:00.000-07:00

On Isla de las Mujeres, the island to which Mayan women used to make a pilgrimage before Europeans introduced them to the wonders of poverty and products sold in plastic containers, I came to love the habanero pepper. A few miles' walk from our room was a restaurant on the beach (playa de los tiburones) where E and I ate a whole barbecued barracuda twice during our one-week stay on the isle. The toothy fish came with a generous helping of a very wet habanero sauce and while not being fancy was anything but ordinary. I can still taste those little green devils to this day. We brought back a bunch of Yucateco habanero bottled sauce but it just isn't the same.

Click to enlarge (if you dare)

Flash forward to 2005 and I'm back in California. I don't know how many times it has happened to me here, but all too often some idiot who took a couple of years of high school Spanish (or didn't) thinks they have perfect pronunciation of every word in the Spanish language. We're talking about hot chilis and I mention that something I made or something we're eating contains habanero. Inevitably, the ignorant (while thiking itself informative) response: "Habañero?" "That's right", I'll say, "Habanero".

Look here, folks, I took ten years of French in high school and college and I don't for a minute think that I speak French without an accent, or that I could look at any French word in existence and know its pronunciation. So why do people whose education in Spanish consists of Taco Bell menus think they know best?

There seems to be a cult of misunderstanding in Northern Californa regarding the pronunciation of the name of the world's hottest pepper, the habanero. OF NOTE: there is no tilde (~) over the N, as in the word jalapeño. This might could even be called a folk etymology. If they want to take the analogy that far, then we may as well spell the word jabañero, since everything about it seems to need to mimic its plumper, greener, milder cousin in the minds of northern Californians. This bullshittery has gone so far that I found crushed habanero on sale the other day labeled habañero. This must be stopped before the truth is completely obscured by nucular jabañero foilage.

Sweet irony!

Imagine my surprise when, off the coast of Quintana roo I found everyone pronouncing the name of this pepper without the Spanish enye pronunciation. After about one day I figured out that I was pronouncing it wrong. Some of these northern californians probably think they need to go correct the Mexicans in their pronunciation of their own word (which probably has Yucatec Mayan or Olmec roots anyway, being a new world pepper, and so by definition could not contain an enye unless its pronunciation was modified by Spanish speakers). And why not tell them how to pronounce their own word? We already tell them what Mexican food should taste like by selling Taco bell in Mexico.

Sticks to your ribs

2005-05-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

Fried chicken. Carnitas. Milk. These are the things you crave at odd times of the day when you know that your beans and rice are providing a complete protein but you're still hungry as hell for some animal fat. As an american I'm so used to getting huge gobs of lipids in my system every couple hours that when I don't get them I feel unexplainably hungry all the time.

It seems the Chronicle finally realized that good weather means ribs weather.

Yes, I stole this picture from sfgate. It was in the paper this morning, taunting me with ideas such as "Everyone can have ribs but you. Everyone can have cigarettes but you. Everyone can eat and drink all they want except YOU!" I get it already. I am supposed to eat refined sugar, trans-fatty acids and BEEF, otherwise I'm a terrorist.

Well, I don't want to be on the wrong side of the law. This memorial day weekend I may just have to make up a huge batch of ribs and live a little. For my own extraordinary pork rib sauce, check out the entry "Re-habs" below.

Hail Seitan (a.k.a. Devil's Food Fake)

2005-05-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

I totally eat these. And I ate them the last time I was Vegan. This is a step for me. When I was a kid, my mom used to force us to go to seventh day adventist summer camp (why?? I don't have a clue), where we were introduced to the wide world of meat substitutes that the early 1980s had to boast. Let's just say the industry has come a long way since then.

INGREDIENTS: Non-GMO vital gluten (wheat protein), water, naturally brewed soy sauce (water, non-GMO soybeans, wheat, sea salt), expeller pressed canola oil, licorice root, unrefined evaporated cane juice, yeast, sea salt, natural vegetarian spices. No MSG.

The company that makes these is pretty hippy-dippy, I'll admit, but what do you expect? I do think it's important not to eat genetically modified foods, if that is even possible any more. Did you know that a few years ago some scientists tested corn from a field that was planted with non-GMO seeds and it came up as GMO? Pollens, baby. We are expediting the apocalypse. M'lord seitan is pleased.

V-Gun

2005-05-23T11:03:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, even the vegetarian Iguana decides to chomp down a few bugs or a slow-moving lizard. So it is with your meaty host. I have decided to go vegan again for a period of about three months, both for my general health and to lose some weight. Hopefully this will culminate in a SCUBA trip at the end of the summer, so I want to be looking good for that.

Let's get something straight: I don't care about the poor little animals. I don't care that we invade bees' homes and steal their food just so we can make toast taste better. I have no qualms running over a squirrel in my car if the alternative is to cause an accident. I don't believe that veganism is even a healthy lifestyle - more like an eating disorder.

Humans' gut size is too short for us to extract nutrients from, say, grasses and tree bark. On the other hand, it's too long for us to be carnivorous because the meat stays too long in the intestines, rotting and causing cancers. I knew one guy who was on an archaeology dig with me last summer in Japan who was convinced that the way to go was to adhere to a 'caveman diet'. This essentially meant not cooking any food, not seasoning it, and hardly eating vegetables of any kind. His pores oozed meat juice day and night, and it was a truly disgusting sight to see him chowing down on a plate of raw horse meat day after day. This is the opposite extreme of veganism which just goes to show that any extreme diet practice can become a disorder.

A total dream date.

Now here's the part where I describe my crazy disorder. I am into the small meals diet. Humans' gut size also suggests (rightly so) that we came out of the trees as hunter-foragers, stuffing our faces with about a handful of food every couple hours. Our metabolism is set up to operate optimally with this amount of caloric intake. The small meals diet works like crazy - I've lost five pounds in the past week and a half. Combine it with low-fat vegan (i.e. you can't just have potato chips six times a day) and a lot of exercise and you've got a winning combination. This site has a lot of great information on the small meals plan (and unlike all the other fools out there, they are not selling anything).

As I said, I don't care about the cute little animals. I will be cheating on the vegan part of the diet whenever the mood strikes me. But, so far I've been pretty good.

A Mutha of a Meal

2005-05-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

As I've done for the past couple of years in a row, I had my nuke-yoo-lurr family over for Mother's Day dinner. I'm not going to say that I don't usually go all-out with my cooking, but for this meal I went all out.

The first part of the meal conssted of soup and apps, namely Tom Yum Goong and Meang Kum. Meang Kum you will recognize from earlier posts as being one of our favorite appetizers and inexplicably hard to get at certain restaurants even though it's painfully simple to make. Next came the tamarind crab:

Tamarind crab is prepared in a wok after it is deep fried. To its left you can see my new signature dish, pomegranite curry, steaming away in a large saucepan. Their presentation at table was something to write home about:

The family feasted upon these armored delights of the sea while I busied myself with the final dish: ginger pork with black fungus and scallions. It was my first attempt at making this dish and the first time I'd cooked with black fungus. I can safely say I love them both.

The picture is a bit out of focus but I can assure you nobody's forks were when I brought this baby out. Serve it over a little black rice and you're set. We ended the meal with two cheesecakes from Harry and David and sent everyone home full of food.

Chow-DUH! (Masu Full of Saké part III)

2005-05-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

Sweet Irony!

It started raining. Hard. We were in shorts and tee-shirts. We considered for a moment the purchase of the cheapo San Francisco Rain Slickers® that all the Minnesotans and Nebraskans were shelling out 17 bucks apiece for, but instead we ducked into Walgreen's, the place that always has good deals on cheap vestments. A couple of three dollar sweatshirts later and we were set.

We strolled around the pier for a while until E decided that she needed to take me to Hooters. Yes, there is a Hooters on Fisherman's Wharf. And, though my statistics may be skewed by the fact that the test group is populated by only one subject, I'd have to say it's the best Hooters I've ever been to. After being seated by our paid-to-be-flirty waitress we ordered a couple of beers. E decided that the clam chowder here would be better than at Alioto's. It was kind of a dare. So I took the bait and we ordered it.

A big mistake

Ladda mussy, that was the wrong thing to order. It reminded me of the days when I worked at Nation's as a teen. The day we did clam chowder was the day no one ordered the soup. So it would sit in that huge vat just simmering slowly all day, as if they were trying to render it down to clam chowder stock. This one had been in the pot so long that the potatoes were disintegrating! We pushed it aside laughing, and our waitress was kind enough to take it off of our bill (go Hooters!). Since E had the camera she thought I should get a photo with our waitress. Our waitress thought I should get one with her and a couple more girls. So they crushed themselves to me while another employee tried in vain to work our camera. By the time he got the shot they were well pissed at having been made to reverse-cop-a-feel me for so long! I won't publish the picture so that I can protect the innocent.

Hooters is an interesting place. There are a lot of guys there who just come to have a meal (or a few dozen beers) all by themselves. If you're lonely or your wife is out of town this would seem to make sense. Also if you are into standard-as-it-comes dinner fare, you could do worse. This guy's cheese steak looked pretty damned good, and I don't even like beef!

We figured that the best thing to eat there for our tastes would be the wings. We ordered them extra, extra spicy and that's how they came. Just thinking about how spicy they were makes my glands tighten now. It was nice that there were a few drumsticks in there too.

Having had enough of opaque leggings and light beer, we made sure our waitress got her tip (she was going off-shift) and left out the place, E commenting that she didn't see why other women get so upset about the place. It's just some chicks in shorts and tees that are barely even revealing and padded from head to toe. It's not liquor in the front, handjobs in the back; it's rough-hewn wood paneling, girls in knee-high socks, cheap beer and fried food. A friend of mine was talking about renting out this particular Hooters for his birthday, and his girlfriend of three years almost left him! Of course he was doing it to piss her off, but the insecurity that shows must run pretty deep.

We headed back towards Pier 39 to see how we could round out our day. After the rain let up, there was renewed interest in the combination bungee-and-trampoline on the boardwalk. Having the benefits of a)working out every day b) being full of beer c)having grown up with a trampoline next door and d) having trapeze experience, you know I was down for a whirl. Six bucks and I was trussed up and doing backflips while people looked on. I think I sold the next six people on trying it. They sucked, but at least they had fun.

We decided to try Chic's, an upstairs affair on the pier and pretty unremarkable from the outside. It has a very long bar inside, and Maîtresses D' who think they are in Broadway shows, prancing around in furs and singing to themselves. The bartender on this particular night was pretty cool and treated us like we didn't look like we'd just been washed in by the tide. We ordered - what else - clam chowder. Honestly, it was the best cup of the day, although possibly the worst photo I took all day:

Note the massive tip from the huge spender on the guest check at top left. We left this guy a nice tip and called it an evening.

Now, the only thing left to do to mark ourselves as true tourists was to ride the cable car. We just made one and took it back to Powell station. The ride was great. The conductor let E ring the bell at every stop (though she could barely reach it) and there was a nice couple from Vancouver that we told about how I'd lied at the aquarium that morning telling them I was an international student from Canada to get the discounted passes.

We had stowed our bags at the hotel for the day so of COURSE we had to go back there and have a drink at La'zeez. We vowed to retun soon although we haven't, but I have a feeling that will change in the near future. I may even start to enjoy visiting this city on a more regular basis.

I left mad tips in San Francisco (Masu full of Sake part II)

2005-05-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

I love San Francisco. It's set up to be welcoming and easy to navigate.

Mr. Sign, where is Coit Tower?

Seriously though, the good times continued in SF the next day. E and I hiked through Chinatown on our way to the Wharf, sampling this and that along the way. The first thing that we ate were some affordable char siu bao (steamed pork buns) purchased from the same baker that I've bought them from for the past 15 years. One thing that Chinatown is definitely renowned for is its affordable food. In addition, its affordable implements for creating such food live up to their reputation.

I wanted to buy every knife on this rack, especially the leaf-shaped cleaver at top left. The next time I'm there it's the first thing I'll do. We ended up finding some excellent composite knives at We Be Knives on pier 39 later on but have no photographic evidence.

Our first official food stop was at E's family's old favorite, Hunan Houses.

I was afraid this was going to be a memory-for-emotion experience since E had always come here with her family as a child. Mercifully I was wrong, and even though we only ordered apps, all the dishes I saw go by looked and smelled excellent. The pork ribs we got were quite generous and a meal in themselves at only $6.95 or so. We were halfway through them when we remembered the camera:

Burp!

Washing it down with our Taiwan beers, we headed out on foot towards the wharf. We made the mile or so journey on foot in what seemed like very little time. Upon arrival at pier 39, we realized that to anyone but native San Franciscans, we didn't really look like tourists. The tourists who were there were hilarious though, and we captured them in all their tourist poses in several unpublishable photos.

One thing that is always fun in a touristy area is eavesdropping on people who speak other languages, because most Americans simply don't bother to learn them so they think they won't be understood. I studied French for ten years, speak reasonably good Japanese and understand Spanish O.K. So, if I'm in a sushi bar that employs short order cooks and is popular with French people, I'm set! The photo below we took for the blog but didn't realize it would come out the way it did:

Mon dieu! Regarde ce serpent-la!

Exactly what is it of mine that this fat old French woman is staring at? Whatever it was, she and her companion were busily tearing apart a loaf of San Francisco Sourdough and alternately devouring it and discussing its crappiness. They would be right to--any bread you're going to get on the wharf is probably not as fresh as what the French are used to, especially if they are from a metropolitan area.

After visiting the aquarium on the wharf, which was a lot better than we thought it would be, we decided to hit up some of the famous restaurants in the area and see what they had to offer. Taking a cue from a book in the aquarium's gift shop, we decided to try Alioto's . The approach to the restaurant says it all:

These crabs gave up their lives so that we might ~sniff~ feast upon them.

Before I say anything else about Alioto's I have to point out that we got very special treatment. We had the camera on hand and were taking photos of everything that moved (and didn't move). We think they thought we were from Fodor's or some such organization. I supposed the whole concept of blogging hasn't really trickled down to these old guard places yet, so if you've got an expensive-looking camera and spend your meal talking about food that equates to critic status in their minds.
The first thing we did was set up our drink order. See if you can guess how many of the drinks in the photo below are mine:

Only the bottom right beer is mine, a draft they called "Alioto's Amber". I asked our waiter, a class act if I ever saw one (he must read Waiter's Rant) if they were the ones who produce it and he said yes. Lo and behold when the beer arrived it tasted exactly like anchor steam. This is not a problem and the waiter may not even be aware of it, though I doubt it (he's too good for that).
We both thought we'd try out the clam chowder since it was SF and the area was famous for it. The chowder arrived with dispatch:

This chowder was really not bad at all. I don't think it will win any awards or anything, but it's very much what you'd expect from chowder except that it lacked bacon. I am OK with a lack of bacon, but E, a reformed vegetarian, wouldn't hear of it. "No bacon! Why don't they just fill it up with celery!?" was her analysis. How right she was.
Next we ordered apps and a couple of drinks. The steamers are always a good way to test the kitchen of a seafood restaurant. We had a couple of problems with them though when they arrived:

First, they were not, as the menu indicated, manila clams. I cannot identify what type of clam they were. But this would not generally serve as any great impediment to my consuming shellfish. What did stop us, however, was the fact that each of them contained an upturned boot's worth of sand, which rendered them completely inedible. I told the waiter "I don't want to be contentious or anything, but these clams are really sandy. Do you think there are any more back there?" To his credit, the waiter repaired to the kitchen and came back with the news that went something like "I think no matter what clams you order they're going to be sandy today." Like I said, a class act. This guy knew we'd just be sending the next round of sandbags back. So, we ordered the escargot, which is pretty hard to mess up.
In the meantime we spent a bit of time people watching. A group of immense tourist women sat down at a table near ours and began their ordering process. I shit you not - four of the six women ordered cheeseburgers, one (identifying herself as a "vegetarian") ordered simply french fries (ou "Frites de la Liberté" comme on dit à Wisconsin) and the sixth ordered the BAY SHRIMP LINGUINE. I'm sure this midwesterner thought herself the adventurous one of the bunch.

Avez-vous du poupon gris?

This was some of the funniest behavior exhibited by tourists that we saw that day. We felt like Steve Irwin and his wife observing the eating habits of some strange species. Of course it's each person's right to like what they do and not what they don't, but if you don't like seafood what the hell are you doing on fisherman's wharf in an INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN SEAFOOD RESTAURANT? Why not just go to Panda Express and order a hot dog? Better still, go to a kosher restaurant and order a ham and cheese sandwich. See how far you get.

Our snails came up and we chowed down. These were larger than the ones I've usually seen, meatier as well. They were quite good and within minutes we were ordering more beer to wash down the butter and garlic:

Look at that 'S' Car Go!

By now the wait staff was thoroughly convinced that the reputation of the restaurant lay in the hands of a couple of drunk bloggers. When the check came, all of the food had been comped. Both being ex-foodservice workers, though, we weren't going to let the waiter get shafted on his tip. We left him a twenty, which he tried to break for us and we wouldn't let him.

On the way out, a man who could only be the owner or a relative of the owner thanked us for our patronage. We replied with profuse thanks for the dining experience. As long as someone thinks that you've got a soapbox, you may as well let them know that if you did, you'd be singing their praises. If we go back to the wharf, Alioto's will get another visit, and this time we'll leave the camera at home.

Next: Chow-Duh!

A masu full of saké helps the sunomono go down

2005-04-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

So, the dinner, whose menu and ingredients are posted below, was a smashing success. I of course took zero photos and thus have nothing of substance to share with you other than my word that it went off great.
However, to make up for it, E and I spent a couple of days in San Francisco and took pictures of EVERYTHING. Yep that's right, we did the tourist thing in our own backyard.
We hate the city. HATE IT. Wouldn't live there if we were being paid to. But it is, after all, a pretty fun place to go once or twice a year. So we booked a room at the Metropolis and prepared to chow down all over the place.
The first place we hit was the hotel's restaurant, La'zeez. It's an Asian fusion place, remeniscent of Berkeley's Xanadu restauraunt that went out of business a few years ago. Xanadu was awesome; unfiltered sake flowing from bamboo containers, truly diverse Asian and South Asian fusion food, which is what La'zeez aspires to be. Its problem is that it's in the middle of beat-down downtown S.F. where no one is likely to frequent it except for strippers and the homeless. The restaurant's one Sri Lankan waiter, Tony, was an awesome guy.

Tony

For the two days that we spent in the city, Tony was our pal. We would walk into the bar and order drinks and just chat. For his own part, Tony drank almost as much as we did! The only thing we ate at La'zeez was the momo. Naveen, the manager, was Nepalese so we figured the momo would be right on. They were pretty good, but they were designed to be treated as pot stickers (would you like them steamed or fried?) and had the pot sticker squished-together-taco shape.

Next we headed downtown to hit some bars and do some shopping. The famous bar on Union Square called the Gold Nugget (or is it the gold dust? I never walk in there at a baseline, so I can't be sure). Gold Nugget, you suck ass nuggets. They take no form of payment but cash, so they have a pimpbot at the front of the joint that charges $2.50 for withdrawals. We thought we were lucky to hit the happy hour, $2.95 margaritas and beers. I got a margarita; E got one and a beer. These were the filthiest, nastiest, weakest margaritas ever. I thought of a joke that I didn't use with the waitress: "I've had better margaritas in MEXICO!" Dig the irony. I wasn't sure she'd appreciate it. So we downed 'em and after a quick romp shopping we went back to the hotel.

After a shower and another quick drink at La'zeez, we decided to head out for some dinner. We figured Japantown would be worth the hike because we're so rarely in the city. After a couple of blocks we hailed a cab. I used to do that death march every day from the Powell St. Bart station to Japantown for Japanese classes - I felt no need to do so again when I had a few beers in me!

Disembarking at J-town, we headed for my most favorite Izakaya-style restaurant, Maki. Izakaya are what I miss most about Japan; they are midway between bar and restaurant with none of the BS of either. They have the best saké, the best apps, the best atmosphere. Somehow Houston, Texas has a great Izakaya, but San Francisco, California, with its huge Japanese poplulation has only two (and I won't tell you where the other one is). My reigning favorite saké for the past few years has been Shirakawago Nigori Genshu (Nigori-zaké). It is an unfiltered sake produced by monks in the Hida-Takayama region of Honshu and when it is fresh it is absolutely lovely. Even seasoned sceptics appreciate this kind of sake. This summer, my love of Shirakawago drew me to the village of its namesake, tucked in a remote valley.

Heaven on earth?

The Shirakawago village (literally, "white river village") is a UNESCO world heritage site, and home of some of the only gassho-zukuri ("praying hands made") houses left in all of Japan. When the Japanese government outlawed non-corporate production of liquor, they tried to force these people to abandon production of their nigori-zaké. However, they sued and won on the basis that the local priests use it in their ceremonies. It's still illegal to make it at home, but the temples are allowed to.

Once when I was at Maki wth a friend years ago, we ordered a bottle of Shirakawago. As we drank it and waxed nostalgic about things Japanese, an older guy at the bar motioned to us. "Do you like this saké?" Why yes, we did. "I am the one who imports it into America." WOW. That codger was cool, and we ended up talking to him for a while, even getting his meishi (business card). I don't have his card any more but what I do have are very fond memories of traveling to Shirakawago.

I have swum in the white river. I have touched the face of god.

I swam in the white river of the legend I created for myself. It was absolutely beautiful and as refreshing as the saké that bears its name. Incidentally, in the village itself, they sell three kinds of nigori zaké (well, actually, dozens of kinds, but three kinds of this particular brand). One that is totally clear; one that needs to be shaken up like a snowstorm ball (the kind that is sold in the US) and one that is totally white like milk. Yes, I tried them all, and even managed to bring two bottles back to the U.S.

So it follows that Maki and Shirakawago hold special places in my heart. Put the two together, and I'm sailing. Eating izakaya food is a special treat; but eating it stateside with your favorite saké is a party! The Maîtresse D' of the restaurant, a young Japanese exchange student, was oh so pleased that I was able to speak to her in her native tongue, and we got treated pretty well. We ordered "autumn leaves falling on snow" (which is one of my specialties at home: ikura over grated daikon), chilled tofu with dashi, nori, and other fixins, crab and cucumber sunomono (which also came with bay shrimp - yuk!) and a ten zaru udon dish.

Delish. Click the picture to enlarge.

A masu full of saké helps the sunomono go down in the most delightful way. Even if there are bay shrimp in it. After one more order of Ikura, we bade goodbye to our lovely Maki, vowing to one day return.

Tune in next time for day 2 of our San Francisco treats!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like the Creative Process

2005-04-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

Here is the unedited string of recipe/ingredients for what I plan to make tonight, as sent in e-mail to E (she graciously volunteered to do the shopping):

From: Dr. Five Pints
To: Undisclosed-recipients

Here come the list:
meang kum:
spinach
Galanga (in the veg. section wrapped up, sometimes called 'white ginger'
fermented shrimp paste (this'll be on the thai aisle above your head next to the crab paste. if someone else is buying, get both.)
shallots
cocount (dry or fresh if you want to dry it)
dry roasted peanuts
ginger
palm sugar (get the kind that looks like nilla wafers - also on the Thai aisle)
coco milk
tamarind crab:
two big crabs - check make sure they have their legs
peanut oil or kimbo oil - whatever you want to use for deep frying. kimbo is that cheap oil in the yellow container that I always get.
garlic
baby/regular leeks

Tom Yam Goong:
1# fresh Tiger prawns
garlic
kaffir lime leaves
lemongrass
traw mushrooms (canned are fine for this)
Thai chilis (get the small green ones bagged, near the lemongrass)
4-6 limes
Black Chili Paste (nam prik pow)
cilantro (if you think your parents can take it)
suggestions: get Nam Prik Pow and kaffir lime leaves at the Thai mart.

Ingredients consolidated:
Vegetables:
lemongrass
thai chilis (green, bagged, small)
4-6 limes
cilantro (maybe)
ginger
galanga ('white ginger')
peanuts
shallots
garlic
baby/regular leeks
spinach
Fish:
2 crabs
one pound fresh tiger prawn

Container items:
Nam Prik Pow (black chili sauce)
Coconut milk (get a LOT pls.)
Shrimp Paste/Crab Paste
Palm Sugar (in a plastic jug or bag)
Cocount (plastic bag)
peanut / Kimbo Corn oil
Kaffir Lime Leaves (in the frozen section in Thai market)
Would be really nice -> Kaffir Lime
That should do it.

Don Xuan part II

2005-04-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

Note: part one can be found below!

When we entered Yummy we both still had a decent beer buzz going on. So, we were boisterous as can be expected. The staff was really trying to get out of there (it was 9:30 by now) and told us if we ordered right away we could stay. God, did we want to stay, so we cobbled together an order right quick: salt and pepper tofu, half a roast tea duck, “crab” (k-rab) meat won-tons, and spare ribs with bitter melon. Two Tsing Taos, please, we need something to wash this down.

The food was impeccable. I mean really great. The bitter melon with the spare ribs was an excellent pairing, and I’m embarrassed to admit that it was my first experience with bitter melon. However in my defense I had been wanting to try it for a while. E and I agreed that it’s definitely an acquired taste, but one that we would be happy to spend time acquiring. I made sure the spare ribs were pork and since they were indeed it was chow-down time.

The fake crab meat won tons didn’t fail to impress; I don’t think they ever have anywhere I’ve had them (usually at the Long Life Vegi [sic] House); and they are the only thing that I ever eat with the barbarian (sweet-n-sour) sauce that many palefaces seem to want to drown everything in. This reminds me of an anecdote from rural Washington when I was up there doing a web site. We went out for Chinese food and I was vegan at the time. Having California Chinese cuisine as my experience to draw from, and having been thwarted in attempts at veganism by Chinese restaurants that call hot and sour soup vegetarian and then fill it full of egg, I figured I’d head these small-town purveyors of the middle country’s finery off at the proverbial pass, and made sure they would not be putting egg in the soup. Sure enough, the soup arrived with no egg in it; for we wouldn’t want to mix cow and egg and make it non-kosher. Indeed, the soup had about a steak’s worth of boeuf; something I don’t eat anyways, much less when I’m doing a three month cleansing. Joke’s on me.

E was really into the salt and pepper tofu, not just because she loves tofu, but because it was very, very good. We ordered another round of Tsing Taos and tore into the duck. That crazy quacker was one of the best examples of his species I’ve consumed in a very long time, and the simple rice flour buns were piping hot out of the steamer. We finished what we could pack away, tipped the staff heavily, and headed home with food boxes a-swingin’ in a plastic bag. I took all the bones from the duck home with visions of soup stock dancing in my head. The waiter almost couldn’t believe it; it was probably the first time he had seen white folk do such a thing. When we explained what we planned to do with it, he softened. “My mom does that all the time!” he exclaimed.

That was Friday. By Sunday, we had decided that what we needed to do with our paychecks was hit the town again. So, after a few Oranjeboom Dutch Lagers, we headed to the Berkeley marina for some kite flying. After we reeled in the kites, we headed over to Skate’s for some drinks and apps. I had a Mojito; E, a Bloody Mary. We ordered the calamari, and while it wasn’t excellent, it was plentiful, and we were hungry. We had a beer each and then headed over to 4th street for some real paycheck burning.

I don’t believe I’ve gone off on the virtues of Café Rouge’s meat market yet. Their charcuterie is so good that even as a lowly East Bay Vivarium employee I used to frequent it (what the hell, it was a block from my job and they have BEER there!) E and I also enjoy oysters at the bar there from time to time (not so much anymore since we’re on our going out diet). We wanted to have some of their Kumamotos but they were all out. Bummer. Since they know us though they gave us a sample of some hog islands. We weren’t impressed. So instead of throwing away my money on oysters, I hurled it at the bar. Our friend Sean who was with us got to get away without buying any drinks because I made him buy us one of the charcuterie’s excellent rotisserie chickens to be eaten later. We also laid hands on two rabbit-basil sausages and two boudin blancs. One hour and three drinks later and it was time for a breather, so we walked it off before piling into the wagon again. It was another five pint day.

The dénouement of this story may be more interesting than the rest of it; for it is with the climax of the plot that we can get down to the business at hand: that of the food-making. Let’s start with the base, a very good place to start.

Initially I decharned the rotisserie chicken and reserved the bones, which I cracked to allow access to the marrow. Then I removed my duck bones, fat still clinging to them, from the refrigerator, as well as the remainder of the pork spare ribs (about 10 tiny riblets) and some of the bitter melon as well. Into the roasting pan these went, along with the trimmings from one bunch of fennel, several carrots, one onion, a bunch of basil, and a shallot. I roasted them at 450 for about 20 to 30 minutes to bring the flavor out. When they were ‘bout ready, I put them into a large Dutch oven and covered them with water. As I brought them to a boil, I roasted some peppercorns, cumin seed, and sesame seeds in a little bit of truffle oil. These I added to the mix.

I have written many a post on how to make stock so I’ll save it this time. What is important, however, is that this stock came out so god damned well, I surprised myself. Then, in a pan on the stove, I began cooking up the meaty part of the fennel, the onion, a huge shallot, the four sausages, and several carrots using the just-made stock. I was at a loss because even with the mushrooms I had (which I reserved for later so as not to make them too squishy), I still had not enough mass to compensate for their being drowned in all that stock. So, I took two cups of Thai black rice and two cups of mushroom stock (organic, store-bought) and cooked the rice in the rice cooker. The careful reader will notice that this is half the amount of liquid required to cook any hard-skinned rice; rightly so, for what I planned was paella.

Without resorting to clichés, I can only describe the taste of the finished product as nothing short of awesome. I just ate a bowl of it an hour ago and already I want more. If you like paella, I highly recommend your making it with a fresh, homemade stock; it’ll increase its flavor tenfold.

Don Xuan part I

2005-04-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

This post (in two parts) ends with a "paella" recipe. It begins with a drunken romp through El Cerrito's gourmet ghetto.

What is love? Is it something you feel when you walk into a hearth-warmed cabin out of the snow? Is it something that washes over you when you just know you’re with that special someone and you don’t have to work at it, it just comes naturally? Or is it a sentiment associated with someone giving you a basket of puppies, or a big fat bottle of Dom for free?

I think it’s something as grounded in common hate as it is common interests. E and I both hate mediocre food. We even hate the mediocre food at the restaurants that we love. Many times, we can size up a restaurant just from the look of it. They say don’t judge a book by its cover (hell, if we did that, a lot of the places we love we’d NEVER frequent); but with restaurants it’s often a safe bet, especially with Japanese establishments. It may seem racist, but I’m relatively certain most people of Asian derivation would agree with me: sushi bars are better when they’re Japanese-run. How to tell? Look around. If there is sriracha on the table, they’re not. If the name of the restaurant is a misspelled English word, they’re probably not. If the name of the restaurant is a badly-Romanized Japanese word, they’re definitely not.

Such is the case with Yammy (sic.) sushi in the EC Plaza. They are a ‘sushi’ bar/Japanese restaurant that specializes in temaki of various levels of authenticity. This is a good place to take your grandmother if you just really want some sushi because she’ll be able to have a teriyaki steak or some such truck. I have not been able to determine the specific race of the owners; I usually do so by rattling off a few Korean or Mandarin words and seeing if I get a response. Apparently, however, they wish to convey to us that their food is characterized by sweet potatoes; so much so, in fact, that they named the restaurant after this Yamminess of theirs. About the only benefit of this place is that its saké is cheap enough that you can get just toasty enough there to be sufficiently brave to go to the Mel-o-dee lounge (on the same side of the plaza as Yammy’s front door) and enjoy their incredible magenta/burgundy velour walls, seats, and drapes.

So, in a case of nomenclaturate emotive transposition (yes, this is an undeclared variable), E and I have always avoided a restaurant that we shouldn’t have, Yummy Chinese Restaurant (at 10264 San Pablo Avenue in El Cerrito) simply because of its nomenclaturate association with Yammy above. We were foolish to never try it out when we used to live two blocks from it, but that is partly due to the fact that we were too busy playing patrons to our favorite place, Yuet Foo, two blocks north on San Pablo. Yuet Foo is what made me wax lovey above(y); whenever we walk into Yuet Foo we feel like we are really somewhere we should be. The décor is deplorable; the élan is MIA; the tables, chairs, and restrooms are usually dirty; even the method of construction of the building is an embarrassment (painted cinderblocks chest-high topped by a cheap wooden frame). But, they’ve got six acrylic salt tanks stuffed full of living frutti di mare for your perusal, and they are happy to cook up anything you ask for. Their élan is apparent in their food wrangling, not in their place settings.

But on to the new blood. E and I prepared for a sortie last Friday night because we were in a Yuet Foo mood. We had already done our April going-out-and-eating in spades, but felt like it anyway, on the condition (E’s) that we “order only dishes that we’d not had before” (not including the fried oyster appetizer). Beers in hand, we marched the road to Yuet, hoping for a taste of fried oyster. But when we got there, the place was absolutely packed. Normally that wouldn’t stop us; we’d walk right in and have two large Tsingtaos waiting for us by the time we sat down. But there was something different about this crowd. They OWNED Yuet Foo, and you could tell. Sure enough, as we approached the front door, we spied a sign begging the patrons’ forgiveness for the restaurant was closed for a private banquet all night. Would we like take-out?

The thought of walking fried oysters home ten blocks unappealing to us, we decided to go for peking duck at choice #2, the ghetto-ass but always good Golden Dynasty about three blocks down. To shorten a lengthy anecdote, we got the Gwai Lo treatment there; walking in at 9:20 and being told they were closed. Huffily we decided to go for our last-ditch choice, Yummy. I am so glad we did.

Tune in next time for the rest of our heroes’ campaigns in southwest El Cerrito!

Foul-er Palace

2005-04-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

The votes are in. People from both sides of the Pacific have informed me that Hong Kong Flower Palace isn't worth the good luck cat smiling at you in the foyer. Apparently if you are in the business of eating dim sum in south city, Koi Palace can't be beat.

Thai Feud

2005-04-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

It's official: I am a Thai food snob. That's why I write this blog, so I can help you, the readers, avoid the crap and skip straight to the cream. So you'll probably not be surprised when I say that I take food pretty seriously, even when it's something as inelegant as a grilled cheese on sourdough. When it comes to Thai, I've been cooking it so long and am so specialized in it now that if I'm going to go to a Thai restaurant it better be pretty damn good.

Some restaurants aren't all that hot and they know it. Some restaurants have excessive decor where the menu is lacking; others have a great selection and dirty bathrooms. The worst ones out there are the ones that don't know they suck.

As I have discovered today, Thai Stick of Millbrae (www.thaisticksf.com) is among these. This is your typical turn 'em and burn 'em human cattle run style lemongrass-scented feed bag. You can tell a lot from this restaurant's web site, in fact; the shoddy web design is a perfect digital representation of the lackluster quality of the establishment. Let's turn for a moment to the name as well. What kind of lame Cheech and Chongery is that, splayed along the side of the building, its cold, nonfunctioning neon tubes proclaiming that this is a restaurant where you, gentle reader, may find yourself with the desire to take a bunch of weed and tie it to a stick. My co-worker, who loves this restaurant, is a speaker of English who adds the English equivalent of chez to everything. That is, for any place she wants to go there will invariably be an apostrophe-s ending appended to it. Ironically, she is the one who introduced me to Specialty's®, itself an offender of this particular law of English grammar. So when she brought up the restaurant she of course called it "Thai Stick's", as if we were headed out to Chez Thai Stick. Or perhaps she meant Thai Sticks, as in there are more than one of them; or maybe it's meant to convey that Thai Stick is something, as in "Thai Stick's fucking awful!"

Now, before anyone says "Why would you go there if you thought it would be bad?" I'll let you know that I had no choice in the matter. My punk-ass coworker (who I don't believe cooks much Thai food) wanted to go to this restaurant, citing its wondrous cuisine and how it's great every time. I didn't put up a fight, and I did go to the restaurant with an open mind, hoping that it would be good. Hell, it was on the company anyway (first free lunch in my 8 months on the job!), so why not?

We entered the place. The first thing I noticed was that the menu sucked. When you don't pay attention to your menu, it's a good bet you're not concerned with your customers either. The appetizers were abysmal; the only one that caught my eye was "My Aunt's Eggrolls". Thankfully someone else ordered the appetizers so I was free from the conundrum. We got two orders of fried tofu which was not bad at all. When the tofu first came out, it had a wonderful texture and was nice and warm. There was a sauce with it (in the menu called a tamarind dip) that did not taste of tamarind at all. As the tofu cooled it got much less tasty, and with everyone trying to be polite and not hog the tofu it had all the time it needed to get cold.

The next sign of trouble was when I asked the waitress if they made Chu-chee curry. Chu-chee is my current holy grail of curries, because no one seems to know how to make it, but it's on lots and lots of Thai menus. In fact, if I could read Thai I'd have a great recipe for it right now, as my Thai friend sent me one as a joke. So, wherever I go I order it, as it is one of the few menu choices at most Thai restaurants that I can't easily make myself. Enter the waitress: "Do we have what?" "Chu-chee curry." "I never hear before." OK. Brick wall. But, I consoled myself, they do have massaman curry, which is close to the same thing. I ordered me up a pork massaman and prepared to enjoy the deliciousness of the irony of ordering a halaal curry with pork if not the deliciousness of anything else. The person seated to my left, who also hates this restaurant, ordered padt thai, which I think we both tacitly acknowledged was a safe choice in any unknown Thai spot.

One shelter in any storm, I have found, is my newfound love for spicy-ass Thai chilis. Most self-respecting restaurants, if you ask, will bring you a variety of peppers, from wagon wheel jalapenos to crushed dry red chilis. My favorite right now are the birdshit/bird's eye chilis (depending on who you talk to) cut into rounds and floating in vinegar. I can usually put away a couple of spoonfuls of these with any given meal. Thai stick was surprisingly great about this and brought us a veritable cornucopia of ruminant-vexing bounty. Their birdshit chilis shared their vinegar with tiny pieces of lemon. The lemon was awesome! It was so good I will begin curing it at home. Now, THIS is what Thai food is all about. The condiment tray said it all. For salty, you had the soy sauce or nam pla in the middle. All about it were the savory (the ubiquitous Chinese 'wet' red chili sauce) spicy (the birdshit chilis) and the aromatic/sweet (the lemons). I don't know what category the jalapenos fall into, but they definitely completed the color scheme quite well.

Back to Ms. Brick Wall. This was one of the rudest and least capable waitresses I've ever seen--and she's obviously been on this job a long time. When I had exhausted my water supply due to the large amount of chilis I was eating, I started looking around hopefully for her. She swooped in and began doling out the H2O to my table. I had my hand on my glass and my eyes on hers trying to indicate that I wanted water. What did she do? She poured for everyone BUT me. I know, I know, it is pretty funny, but you wouldn't think so if you were the one clutching the glass. She blustered past me and I had to go chase her down just to git my whistle whet. Next, she and someone who looked like a relative started jumbling tables and chairs around next to our table. Now, I know that it was lunchtime and the place was packed with people in golf shorts and Donna Karen all trying to elbow their way to a table, while the small but stalwart Thai staff had to do whatever they could to wrangle these whiteys around. But please, don't just hit people in the back with chairs (this happened to my coworkers who were seated to my left) as you rummage around arguing loudly. It is painfully obvious that these people don't care about their customers at all, since they have a captive audience every day of the workweek. They don't have to impress them, because half these people go home and eat Kirkland Signature genetically modified products anyways. These are the kind of folks that will become convinced that a restaurant like this is sometheing that needs to be revered, respected, and revisited; and by the way, I don't like driving that far just for some crappy food.

Millbrae is not without its good restaurants, of that one can be sure. I saw two restaurants on the way in that now I'm dying to try out. The first is Seafood Harbor Restaurant at 279 El Camino Real that looks like it would be a contender with Yuet Foo. The second is the literally palatial Hong Kong Flower Lounge, which apparently serves great dim sum and peking duck. All is not lost for Millbrae, I just happened to go to one of its worse restaurants.

Appe-Thai-Zers

2005-04-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

E. and I are on a going out diet, which means we can only go out and spend a hundred bucks on dinner once a month. Yeah I know, poor us. But according to my bank, I've cut my restaurant spending in half while keeping the same rate of grocery expenditure.

The long and the short of this is that we get creative with our going out to eat. Something we discovered that we liked in Monterey is the drive-by appetizering. It can be cheap if you give it a shot. Also, if you are not on foot as we were in Monterey, you're encouraged not to spend a lot on drinks.

So, E. and I decided to give the San Pablo Thai restaurant crawl a try, just for appetizers. We thought we'd hit two places, but then I remembered that E's never been to Krung Thep. Interestingly Krung Thep constitutes the first two syllables of Bangkok's formal name, one of the longest place names in the world--I think the longest one is in Wales. Krung Thep at 11224 San Pablo in El Cerrito has been around for quite some time. When I was in college I went there once or twice for the officially-closed-but-we're-open-for-our-regulars $15 all-you-can-eat-and-drink feed, which was great. But I hadn't been there in a very long time so I surprised E. with it.
We ordered two appetizers that were dangerously close together in theme - prawns rolled in egg roll wrappers and deep fried, and prawns and calamari battered and fried. Sure, you could have gotten these types of things at H. Salt or Long John Silver's; but I can assure you these were of haute qualité. We each quaffed a Singha (asked if they had Chang, and they still don't) and headed out, vowing to return for lunch sometime soon.

Next in the sights was Sa-Wooei (10621 San Pablo Avenue in EC ). Sa-Wooei has always been a very warm and friendly place with fake flowers and real smiles. After that fried food, we were in the mood for some vegetables, and had a hankerin' for meang-kum (the Thai appetizer that resembles the Chinese dish "Ants Crawling on Tree"). We make Meang-kum at home, and it is incredibly easy to do. It wasn't on the menu but we thought we'd ask anyway. I've never just walked out of Sa-Wooei before, but the cold, flat 'no' we got when we asked about it was enough to push us over the edge. Put some damned galanga, lime, coconut, peppers, shrimp, onions, and sauce on some spinach already! We would have paid eight bucks for the three dollars it would have cost them to make it. All, however, is not lost. We'll probably try to visit their satellite location on Solano the next time we do the crawl.

Our last stop was Thep-Naree (977 San Pablo Avenue in Albany), or as E. calls it, 'Boobie Thai'. It is boobie indeed...there is a gigantic mural inside featuring Thai demigoddesses that resemble mermaids but their legs are enshrouded in wings instead of scales. The resemblance doesn't stop there...they are each endowed with a pair of mammalian breasts which are not covered. The attention paid to detail on each of the holy racks is impeccable; no two pairs alike. We often comment that the murals in Mexican restaurants such as Gordo's on Solano and El Taco Zamorano on Foothill in Oakland lack detail and the women's breasts, while exquisite, are far too uniform, as are the moustaches on the men and the shingle-like teeth.

At any rate, Thep-Naree is usually our default meeting place for afternoon Thai. They make an incredible galanga-covered roasted duck that is reasonable at 6.95 or so. I was able to identify every ingredient but one in it. The daytime waitress disclosed it to me but on the condition that I not disseminate it. We have never been there for dinner, and are still curious about the karaoke night they have there (Krung Thep is doing karaoke now too-it's spreading like avian flu). So we dropped by for appetizers and Singhas. E. ordered meang kum (now was that so hard?) and I ordered angel's wings, the old familiar chicken wings stuffed with mung bean threads and pork. When I met her, she was a vegetarian. We even did four months of veganism together. But now she is down with the swine, so I thought she would like this dish. She didn't very much, so I got to eat a lot of wing and she got more meang-kum. The meang kum was really nice but it was the already-assembled kind. Whenever I serve it, I serve it unassembled and guests love to put them together themselves.

Having dropped about sixty bucks we figured it was time to head in and did so. I still heartily endorse all three of these restaurants but will probably not be going back to Sa-Wooei soon. I am much more interested to see what Krung Thep has to offer as far as dinner fare goes.

Re-habs

2005-04-11T12:12:00.000-07:00

Last night I made an incredible batch of ribs, with a kickass BBQ sauce. I need to record it before I forget what I put in it:

A few tablespoons of honey
1/2 cup Kagome Okonomiyaki Ketchup (available at Japanese grocers)
1/2 cup Thai Spicy Chicken sauce (available everywhere)
A few tablespoons of pomegranite syrup (available at middle eastern grocers)
Two heads of pickled garlic (available at Asian grocers)
One large purple onion, peeled
1/2 to one cup Korean Pepper Sauce (KPS is about as specific as I can get with the name)
1/4 cup brown sugar
Dash of coarse grain sea salt
Dash of whole peppercorns
Dash of garlic powder

This is about as simple as meals get at Dr. Five Pints' house.

First I combined some of the less gooey ingredients with the honey and microwaved it. This was a good way to get all of it out of the jar. I tossed this mixture into my food processor. Then I threw in the pickled garlic, the onion, and the rest of the ingredients and blended it well.
When it was approaching soupiness, I added enough water to double its volume. I ended up marinating the ribs in this sauce overnight. The next day (last night) it ended up being too cold outside to barbecue. So I built a fire inside and boiled the ribs in the sauce on the stove. When they were cooked, I removed them and reduced the sauce (adding a little more pepper sauce and chicken sauce). When it reduced down to somewhere between honey and ketchup-like consitency, I figured it was time to test it out. I've uttered these words several times in the past year, but this is the BEST rib sauce I've ever made. Believe it or not, this actually represents far fewer ingredients than I usually use, and the simplicity helps it. I've got six ribs in my lunch for today and thus will be evading the Specialty'es'ies' monster once again.

Thank you, Easter Bunny...

2005-04-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

Another of the Xtian holidays has come and gone. Easter dinner this year came in the form of a lot of ham and lamb (but no spam or jam). Barely visible in the photo below (due to the extreme crappiness of my digital camera) is a cheese tort that E. made (she made the crust too):

The night before, we'd been experimenting with yorkshire puddings again. I rendered down a bunch of lambfat in a pan:

This I used instead of the requisite butter in the 'popover' pan when cooking the puddings. The result was good tasting, but the fat didn't provide the nonstick quality that butter imbues to the puddings. I am thinking of using lard since many people do and seem to like its results.

Sorry for the lack of posts recently, I haven't had a plethora of exciting meals of late.

Spring Skiing

2005-03-23T13:44:00.000-08:00

We didn't end up trying that lamb dish. Instead, E. brought home two liberty duck legs and made an INCREDIBLE meal with them. The secret was to pan-fry them first and then bake them for about 1/2 hour.

The St. Patrick's day party on Friday night was a huge success. I had no idea we had that kind of draw. Or, maybe people just came for the five pounds of brisket we made! We also braised some cabbage and roasted about ten pounds of potatoes. It was absolutely great. The only problem was that our ~40 guests were so ravenous that we barely got to taste the food.

I decided that it was o.k. to continue the beef eating all weekend. I do this about once or twice a year, usually around this time. I usually don't eat beef because a: I don't prefer it and b: Reagan deregulated the beef industry in the 1980s, thereby opening up the floodgates (as it were) for bovine fecal matter's being allowed into beef. Remember all the people getting e. Coli from Jack in the Box in the nineties? They weren't eating the chicken sandwiches, folks.
Anyways, since I was food-slumming, I decided to get the slummiest of the beef choices out there. E. and I went skiing/snowboarding for the weekend, and to energize myself for a day on the slopes I ordered chicken fried steak and eggs with biscuit and gravy at our new favorite restaurant in the central Sierras, Bear Ridge. It was awesome. However, it was so huge I couldn't finish it and had to leave most of it. Then at the lodge around lunchtime I ate a hot dog. I don't know why I like the hot dogs they serve there, they are just pretty damned good.

And what skiing!! Saturday and Sunday dumped two FEET of snow on the central Sierras. Monday morning came and so did the sun, so we high-tailed it up there to enjoy the scads of fresh powder. We were such wimps though, although we both work out every day we could only handle about five hours of skiing. We also took a few rough tumbles so that added to the fatigue. All in all it was the best day of boarding I've had all winter.

Tuesday night we returned home. We decided to go out to dinner since we won't be doing it again soon due to budgetary constraints. I re-discovered an old favorite, Phuping Thai in the 99 ranch mall in El Cerrito/Richmond. The food was as incredible as ever. When we got the bill I remembered why I haven't been there in years. For four dishes and two beers it was seventy dollars. Ack!

I did not get a chance to try my pomegranite curry this weekend. I realized I would like to do it Chu-Chee style, but no one sells Chu-Chee curry paste. Therefore it must be a variation on some kind of paste (probably red or panang). I will look into recipes.

Erin Go Blog

2005-03-17T13:19:00.000-08:00

Happy fookin' St. Patrick's day! Today your humble host plans no imbibery. However, my partner in crime has come up with a lamb dish that we're going to try out tonight. Usually I wouldn't cook something off of foodtv, but this actually looks good!

Lamb Shoulder Roast

We'll have the digital camera on hand and will post with our results.

Poppin' Caps in your Puddin'

2005-03-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

A two-post day! Wow.

I forgot to mention that last night E. and I made Yorkshire pudding. Yes, despite what you've heard, there is good English food out there (apologies, it's bash England week what with St. Patrick's day coming up and all), and yorkshire pudding is about the best of it.
I remember having a really good one in London in about 2002. There was a nice pub near my sister's place that, like all pubs in London, closes at 11 p.m. sharp (though I hear they're extending that to 12 now). The food was mostly unpalatable, and it was an especially high risk time for BSE (although you'd never know it by talking to the crowd I hooked up with the minute I hit the street there. "Have a steak! They're really good!" No thanks, but I'll let you buy me another beer, mate). In England they cook Yorkshire pudding the old fashioned way, in a sort of pie tin so that you get one huge pudding. This ain't the pudding your gramma makes out of a box either. It's salty, eggy, and floury. Matter of fact, add milk and butter to that and you've got all of the ingredients.

A big ol' trad English Yorkshire Pudding

I managed to get mine served with a circular pork sausage inside. It was awesome. When we were young and stupid and ate beef all the time, we would put pieces of beef inside the pudding and eat it like a sandwich. Now that I'm oh-so-grown up and don't eat beef much, I had the idea to cook them with a bit of lamb. To E.'s delight, this did not affect the plumping process at all, and the result was delicious. Of course, this is not a weight watchers' meal at all. I didn't eat between 4 and 10 and worked out for an hour and a half just to justify eating six of these puddings last night.

Now on to the criticism. I'm nothing if not a critic.

On the foodie blog Culinary Epiphanes, a sugar-coated romp through various baking procedures and clearly a halfway house for post-Mollie Katzen refugees who woke up one day and remembered that they actually liked butter before Ol' Moll Katz led them up the enchanted broccoli path, there was a discussion of what they termed "popovers". Now, as a budding linguist, and especially one who studies language change over time, dialects, and the like, I am perfectly willing to accept that this may be what the name for Yorkshire pudding is becoming in these here lower 48. However, in a bout of schoolmarmly "It's 'whom' not 'who'", I have to point out that the American nomenclature is not the correct, original one. Rather than thralling you with a diatribe on my opinions regarding the subject, I'll instead just reproduce what I wrote on the site:

Posted by Dr Five Pints @ 03/11/2005 07:15 PM PST
Using this recipe, these are actually mini-Yorkshire Puddings.

We made them this way (in the popover pan) my whole life, and

now as a grown-up I make 'em that way too. The traditional way

to grease them was to cook them beneath a beef roast and let the

fat drip down into whatever reservoir you would be using to cook

the puddings until it was 1/8 to 1/4 full. Since I hate beef (and since

no one cooks that way anymore), I just put a pat of butter in the

bottom of each. Or, if I'm cooking duck, about a teaspoon of duck fat.

They are MM-MM good. I forgot to mention...for the problem Julie

is having, the solution is simple. First, DO NOT open the oven, ever,

until they are done. The 30-minute rule is a fallacy. Do what you have

to do to make that oven window clean enough so that you can tell if

they're a-poppin' or not. Also, as with so many things, keep the batter

nice and cold until the minute you put it into the hot pan (yes, you should

heat the pan to melt the butter, please see my other comment).

Furthermore, an alternative cooking method (one my grandmother

doesn't approve of but I've been having quite a lot of success with) is to

skip the changing of the heat and just cook all the way through at 350-

375. Try these variations and you'll have success!

Sure, I wrote that entry in a much nicer tone than I wanted to. Sure, I'm dismayed that someone like me who hardly bakes at all can make this dish better than my mother, my grandmother, and all of these women on the Culinary Epiphanes site who apparently have nothing better to do than gab about baked goods. But what really bugs me is the etymology of the term for these hot little babies. It's like everyone thinks they were dreamt up in the American south by someone who was short on ingredients and had to feed the chillin's less paw not return with a hunk o' bear. It's like how people think Italy invented noodles, or that the French have always used tomatoes. Irksome. Some sources will call them "Popovers Yorkshire Pudding", some "Popover Puddings". I like to call them "Yorkies" but that makes people think of eating dog ("Oooh! Did you find the meaty treat in your Yorkie? Woof"). This woman is supposed to be an expert, and the photography on her site is excellent. So excellent, in fact, it shows how crappy her puddings are. They should never fall like in her picture. The best thing about the Culinary Epiphanes' coverage of these 'popovers' is that it has a photo of them as they should really be:

Image used strictly without permission.

But all dissing aside, these are some very good little popover-like puddings to make and enjoy. I guess I got hostile because this is considered a family specialty, rather like all those people who get all hot under the collar if I don't like their recipes on the Asian homestyle cooking list I'm on. I'm sure they have nuances that their grandmother taught them that I could never guess at. That's how I am with this dish--none of the recipes you find will convey to you what ol' granny Ryan passed down to me.

Instant MSG Me At Lunchtime

2005-03-16T13:32:00.000-08:00

It's a dreary day out. Luckily a woman in the office has set up an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet day to benefit the Leukemia/Lymphoma society. So, today, we get to eat well.
The best dishes included: Bean Sauce Fish (my favorite), Yard Long Bean with Pickled Vegetables, Bean Curd and Shiitake, Szechuan Eggplant, and dim sum desserts. This is not too exciting an entry, I know, but this weekend's meals promise to be a thing to remember. In a rare bout of beef consumption, Friday night in celebration of St. Patrick's day (no I'm not catholic, I just always like it when a Celt escapes the Britons) we're cooking a 3 to 4 pound brisket. The last one I cooked was about twice that size--this will be more manageable. They shrink to about 75% of their original size anyhow. Then on Saturday we're off to the mountains to snowboard, kayak, and cut wood. I may be trying out my new pomegranite curry in a little log cabin at 4500 feet.

chili peppers burn my gut

2005-03-15T14:31:00.000-08:00

Went to a new taqueria today for lunch. Had a carnitas burrito. Doesn't sound too exciting on its face but this place's salsas were GOOD. So good, we didn't even mind them frying up about a pound or two of cabesa and the accompanying smell emanating throughout our meal.

Monday, Monday...

2005-03-14T11:46:00.000-08:00

It's Monday and I'm back to work. Translation: time to blog on the clock. Well, not literally, but it is the company's internet I'm using.
It was a rare work-free weekend for me. So, I painted the house and did a bunch of yard stuff that had been waiting for me to get to it. Foodwise it was unremarkable, except for two meals.
Friday night we went to Yuet Foo, our favorite seafood restaurant. Instead of the usually frosty reception we're used to we were greeted with smiles and drinks in hand. I guess the constant good tipping is getting noticed! We ordered fried oysters (Oysters can really only be done two ways in my book - fresh or fried. Screw the BBQ version. If you have an oyster that's so big it needs to be barbecued, you've got too big an oyster), two geoduck clams (one with XO sauce and one with ginger/scallions) and "Salt and pepper calamari" (which turned out to be deep fried calamari). Yuet Foo never disappoints in the food arena. The only thing we've had there that we didn't really like was the fried jellyfish. Such a weird texture. I'm sure millions of people love it, but if you didn't grow up with it this probably isn't for you.
Then, last night, we had a small barbecue. We made more of the stock-and-water rice (but this time used all golden rice), and I 'cued one brine cured pork chop (regular pork chops are a snooze, but these are incredible) and two boudin blanc sausages. E. made a stir fry with kael, bok choy, leeks, onions, garlic and oyster sauce. I added some Yank Sing hot bean sauce because she likes it spicy. Everything turned out great and we both have enough for lunch today.

Bad Porn

2005-03-11T13:47:00.000-08:00

Nope, it's not Jenna Jameson in her declining years. It's BAD FOOD PORN. The bone I have to pick (so to speak) is with Specialty's Direct®, and the pukebrimming chokehold it has on office folk everywhere in the Bay.

First of all, what is up with that name? It's not as if people mean to say "Let's go to that place that Specialty opened....nice fella, Specialty. What's it called? Oh yeah. Specialty's", as if it were a Mel's or a Denny's (which despite its attempts to pretend otherwise it really is). And it's not as though it means "Specialties Direct" as in numerous specialties forced directly down your waiting craw. My guess is that the originators of the brand did not know the distinction between the possessive "y's" and the plural "ies" and used the possessive for the plural. Your sure that there not to smart when they're spelling is so confusing. So when the time came to incorporate and all that, they already had so many napkins and menus and whoknowswhatelse printed up that they had to stick with the original, embarassing handle.

Now to the food. Like, what is this thing?

Well duh, I can tell it's a tuna sando. But what it really adds up to is a stained shirt and heartburn. What we have here is none other than some Bay Area businesspeoples' (note the possessive usage of the apostrophe) interpretation of what would seem appealing to bay area office workers, but is really so much of the same SE Rykoff / SYSCO that we're all so fond of. Enveloping this crapwich is Specialty's Direct®'s own bread, something they pride themselves on. In fact they pimp themselves as a bakery slash cafe, so we should all be wowed by the freshness of the bread they use. These oversized shingles that they call bread are substandard (while conforming to Bay Area pseudofoodies' notions of what necessary bread configurations should be) and reek of dough conditioner. What you get there is a huge gloppy mess a quarter of the way through the sandwich, because the circus tent of doughey joy has been made so structurally unsound by the pound of mayo-laden tuna, italian dressing, ranch, unripe tomatoes, half-pickled pickles and another layer of mayo on the bread that if it isn't already on your lap/shirt, it's gonna be. Forget about asking them to place the lettuce on either side of the fillings so you can save half of your sandwich for later and not be confronted with sandwich soup when you're hungry at the office at seven p.m. again; it's too complex. Furthermore, don't expect them to leave out the salad dressings and give them to you on the side in the hopes that you can use them later on those carrots you brought from home. Nope. What you'll get there is charged for two sides of dressing. This is the same problem I have with most pizza places. If you are ordering a pizza and one person wants cheese, the other pepperoni, don't even think about asking them to put ALL the pepperoni from a regular pizza on one side. No siree. We're happy to charge you for a whole topping, though, for intruding on our day and only making us work half as hard on the toppings. I worked at pizzerias long enough to know this to be a bullshit response.
The first time I tried Specialty's was at the behest of coworkers, who insisted it was convenient and tasty. Not only is it neither of those, it is also expensive and the ordering process cumbersome. Walk in, and some guy will take your order at the door. Even if you are standing in front of the register with no one in line, the older high school dropouts do not trust those young enough to still be in high school to write down "#10 No Salad Dressing" as well as ring you up. Hell, they don't even have to be able to spell, they actually only write "#10 NSD", so what gives?

On to the salads. These are so rank I would rather eat one made from miner's lettuce from a dog park. Who the hell is impressed by "hearts of romaine"? Isn't that another way of saying "pit of peach"? Yeah guy, your salad has a fancy name. But what it contains is the junk part of the GMO Lettuce Product® that is fit for nothing more than my compost bin. Scratch that, since it's GMO even the gaping maw of my compost bin would snap shut when it got a whiff of it. Who they save the green part for I don't know. Probably those who are fool enough to order the full caesar salad (which I believe they spell cesar). They know that these are the good customers, because they want a product drenched in salad dressing (jubilant cries of "#17 extra ceeeesar dressing!"), topped with overcooked, processed "chicken" and then topped with some of their wonderful cheese. I don't know where they get their cheese from, but Jaques Papin or anyone else who's ever had good parmesan wouldn't look at it twice. In an attempt to make their croutons seem 'fresher', they do not cook them long, resulting in that spongy sogginess that I, and I'm sure you, gentle reader, love so much. YOU BAKE BREAD. WE GET IT. It doesn't make you artisans. It does make me sick.

So just to show I'm up on current events, I'll say "Happy weekend to you all" (those of you who don't have to work on the weekend anyway. And if you do have to, what the hell. Call in sick. It's gorgeous out).

Scallops St.Techamuanvivit

2005-03-11T09:46:00.000-08:00

I read on Chez Pim the other day about a recipe for braised scallops with a curry sauce. We invited my girlfriend's mom and dad over to try it. Amazingly, dad had already read the blog on the scallops and so it was a case of convergent evolution towards dinner. Here is (part of) the photo from Chez Pim:

Her recipe sounded really tantalizing, and her description of how she came up with it sounded very organic. If you want to read about it check out her site. It is essentially rice cooked with stock instead of water (you can substitute some water for the stock, we did 2:1 stock to water) incorporating some lightly caramelized leeks (we also used shallots because we only had two leeks), braised scallops with a curry sauce, and flash-fried leeks garnishing all.
The curry sauce in the recipe is identical to the basis for the curries I make, essentially the Thai standard: coco milk, fish sauce, curry paste, sugar. I was out of palm sugar so I used brown instead, it was just fine. It's important to use a good quality fish sauce as well. Cheap, second-pressing versions will make you regret their purchase. Pim wants you to reduce the curry (always a good idea) prior to use.
We all enjoyed the rice heartily. I used my special blend of Indian Jasmine, Thai Black, and Chinese Golden rice (so a long, medium, and short grain) which all gets stained purple by the Thai Black rice. The oh-so-European instructions to caramelize the leeks and then briefly fry the rice with them before putting them in the cooker had very good results.
All four of us are scallop people. We picked up the scallops at a local Japanese grocer, and they were definitely of sashimi quality. I was barbecuing some eggplant and salmon as well, so I let E. cook the scallops. She did a good job, but I think all four of us thought they ended up a little fishy. One person commented that they may have been better off left as sashimi!
That was probably too strong, because the scallops were good as they were. Also the garnish of flash-fried leeks was wonderful, and added the extra dimension of flavor and texture alluded to in Pim's original article.

On a side note, Dr. Five Pints didn't imbibe at all last night. Thus begins day three of a non-drinking binge. The reason is this: I am voluntarily going to have my liver tested by doctors in about a month for reasons only tangentially related to health. I don't want the doc to echo the one in The Pianist when he said "Liver the size of a football, but he'll live!". SO...with the extra funds I won't be throwing at beers of the world this month I'll be able to consistently use the best ingredients.

Body Movin'

2005-03-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

New digs! The Joy!

We finally moved out of the upstairs unit I've inhabited in one way or another for the past several years and into a real house with a huge backyard, garage, and two bedrooms. Check it out:

It may not look like it's all that, but give it some time. I just got there and have been busy painting the inside, not to mention devoting all my finances to travel and a new stereo system. I scored a bunch of paint for free so will be painting the outside soon as well. Considering what I was able to do with my last place,
I think I'll be able to work something up for this one. We've already had some excellent barbecues. Last week I used the last of the miso paste (not soup base) that I bought in Shirakawago and barbecued whole trout on magnolia leaves. They were superb. The miso paste from the Hida-Takayama area is not what you would call sublime either--it's punchy, crunchy, and stimulating. I used what was left over and 'cued up a boneless leg of lamb which I've been enjoying for the past few days.

Blazing Knifehandles

2005-03-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

Knives are of utmost importance. Most of my best I've acquired in Japan.
Tim has a famous blog that talks about the importance of knives, check it out:

Fire and Knives

I think I'll call him "pinchy"

2005-03-09T14:50:00.000-08:00

Pinchay Langosta is one of my favorite things to cook or eat. Everyone freaks out when you bring out that big, red beast and drop it onto a plate. Even people who don't like aquarium fish will find themselves slurping the connective tissues out of these babies.

This particular lobster was made hor mok style, where all the meat is removed from the tail and blended with crab or shrimp and a host of other things then steamed into a custard. Anyone who thinks this is a waste of lobster should be reminded that the claws are still there, and I think they're the best on the lob anyway.

So hor mok is a Thai moniker, indeed most of this meal was Thai in derivation. Thai has become the bay area's comfort food for certain. I myself have gone from knowing nothing about it seven years ago to being one of the best honky Thai chefs I know. In general, a Thai meal by Dr. Five Pints will include one or two curries, one or two appetizers, and a special dish such as soup or hor mok. I am planning a new curry that I'll post about when I've made it.

What does it mean?

2005-03-09T12:41:00.000-08:00

By now you may be asking, "what is this blog for or about?", and of course the answer is not entirely forthcoming from the blog so far. What I intend it to be about is food - it will be another regional east bay foodie blog, to be sure. But I intend to make it a panafroamerasieruopaussie food revue.

By this I don't just mean reviews. I'm a bourgeois bohemian 30-year old male who prepares and enjoys extremely good food and spirits from all over the world. So, I'll be posting loads of things that I enjoy creating, eating, drinking, and seeing all over this planet.

In the past year I've enjoyed comestibles and beverages in Mexico, Hawai'i, Tahiti, Mo'orea, Japan and all parts of California. I've prepared literally hundreds of meals for groups that range from just me to nine or more people and have had a great time with it. Furthermore, I've been able to enjoy getting sloshed while doing so. Cooking is great that way - there's no danger because you're not leaving the house, so you can have five pints before dinner if you want to.

I'm sure all the other foodies out there will enjoy reading along and contributing as I continue on my quest to rid the world of its vegetable, meat, and liquor resources.

One pint, two pints, three pints, floor.

2005-03-09T11:53:00.000-08:00

I have a question. If you had five beers, one to represent each continent, which would you pick for each? Here are my picks:

Asia: Sapporo
Europe: Guinness
Australia: Foster's
Africa: Tusker
America: Bud realistically, but preferentially Sierra Nevada